ICT Predictions

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Rococo A Go Go
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Re: ICT Predictions

Post by Rococo A Go Go »

Silly Predictions:

1) Disappointed that they didn't get to watch the Women's NCAA Tournament final, the Louisville men's basketball team decides to watch their quizbowl team's national tournament instead. The UofL team decides to sub in Luke Hancock for the hell of it, who actually does quite well for several rounds and leads them to the top bracket in D2. Things turn south when the Michigan team arrives screaming about payback and Bryan Berend beats Hancock unconscious with a hockey stick.

2) Inspired by an episode of Coach, the Buffalo team suspiciously offers every team free buffalo wings the night before the tournament. Unfortunately they only manage to dupe a handful of D2 teams into eating the poisoned wings, failing to gain any competitive advantage from their scheme. Even worse for Buffalo, their Lit Guy forgets the wings are poisoned and eats several himself, which he blames for a statline of 4/13/13 the next day.

3) I protest being negged for answering “Turtleman” on a question about Mitch McConnell, and NAQT inexplicably agrees with me, giving us a controversial win over North Carolina. Nick Neuteufel responds by calling McConnell’s staff and claiming I was the one who bugged his office, leading to me missing the playoffs while being interrogated by the FBI.

4) NAQT gives the Undergraduate title to the third place UG team based on no evidence other than “We’d probably have to do this anyway.” In mid-2016 it’s revealed that this team was actually the only one to have cheated during the tournament. The press attention for this scandal is limited to a single article in The Harvard Crimson that ponders whether or not the culture at that other institution led to the unfortunate cheating incident.

5) Down 40 in the final, Matt Bollinger accidentally buzzes after the first word of the last tossup due to a buzzer fake by Eric. Matt screams “Mukherjee!” in frustration, which turns out to be fortuitous because the tossup happened to be about the current President of India. UVA 30s the bonus and pulls off the improbable comeback, and Penn vows to bring back Penn Bowl in 2014 as revenge.

EDIT: I can't spel
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Tale of Mac Datho's Pachycephalosaur
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Re: ICT Predictions

Post by Tale of Mac Datho's Pachycephalosaur »

Sulawesi Myzomela wrote:Silly Predictions:

2) Inspired by an episode of Coach, the Buffalo team suspiciously offers every team free buffalo wings the night before the tournament. Unfortunately they only manage to dupe a handful of D2 teams into eating the poisoned wings, failing to gain any competitive advantage from their scheme. Even worse for Buffalo, their Lit Guy forgets the wings are poisoned and eats several himself, which he blames for a statline of 4/13/13 the next day.
Rats, you've seen through my elaborate scheme! Actually the wings are fine--it's the beef on weck you have to watch out for.
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bradleykirksey
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Re: ICT Predictions

Post by bradleykirksey »

NOSTRADAMUSHAHA wrote: 32. Central Florida. After ICT, I predict that UCF will no longer be indefeated this year, unless that word doesn't mean what Bradley Kirksey thinks it means.
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Re: ICT Predictions

Post by NOSTRADAMUSHAHA »

bradleykirksey wrote:
NOSTRADAMUSHAHA wrote: 32. Central Florida. After ICT, I predict that UCF will no longer be indefeated this year, unless that word doesn't mean what Bradley Kirksey thinks it means.
When you don't take a shower for months and you are encased in fetid matter. Am I wrong?
YOUR ARE WRONG.
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Doctor Zaius
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Re: ICT Predictions

Post by Doctor Zaius »

32. Central Florida. All members of the UCF team have to leave the tournament during round 10 to be deposed in their lawsuits against the guy who played Elmo. They claim that they are accusing him of something "not sexual, but worse."

31. Buffalo. The tournament is scandalized when a random sample of Buffalo players is revealed to contain up to 20% horse meat.

30. Texas A&M. Jeff Crean trades Bryce Durgin to Maryland for Daniel Galitsky and a player to be named later, leading disgruntled Twelfth Man members to place "the curse of the armadillo" on the team.

29. Truman State. Jacob O'Rourke announces that, while rural voters may cling to guns and religion, the only things the Texas A&M team clings to are "store brand soda and ennui." He is pelted with a can of Mountain Lightning purchased for 25 cents from a vending machine outside of Wal-Mart, altering the part of his brain that remembers visual art, which strangely does not affect his team's NAQT performance.

28. McMaster. The team can't decide how to study for the predicted tossup on "Accidental Racist." Luckily, the darts championship is once again sharing the hotel, so they get lots of firsthand knowledge of Not-So-Accidental Racists.

27. Delaware. Confused how to compensate for the loss of Joe Brosch, the Delaware team studies all the available packets from 1994 in an attempt to use material unexplored by their opponents. They arrive at the ICT with an expert knowledge of the Contract With America, in-jokes told by Unitarians, and where to release bombs in order to hit strontium while flying over a giant periodic table and assuming acceleration due to gravity is -10 m/s/s. They lose a lot of games.

26. Minnesota B. Realizing that the exploits of Minnesota B at 2013 ICT is the only topic he hasn't written an unfunny Gilbert & Sullivan parody about yet, Seth MacFarlane shows up to follow this team around the tournament. Max Schindler shows up and sucker-punches MacFarlane over the pointlessly anti-Semitic "I've got a little LIST" scene, which is rumored to take up fourteen minutes of next season's Family Guy premiere. The world applauds.

25. Michigan B. The team's fortunes take a hit when Saul Hankin is thrown onto the roof by Eric Mukherjee's in-laws.

24. WUSTL. Charles Hang is informed mid-game that 450 people signed a petition to close Guantanamo Bay, while 80,000 people signed a petition to release Fraggle Rock on DVD. He blames this for his loss to Ottawa.

23. Ottawa. Every answer in packet 6 can be strung together to provide a Stefon, City Correspondent-style overview of Ottawa's Friday night in Chicago. Unfortunately for them, ICT's hottest bracket is THIRD.

22. Cornell. Members of the Cornell team attempt to cheat on their final exams in English class by reading the first forty characters of all assigned novels. It does not go well.

21. VCU. George Berry is trapped in an existential query mid-tossup, attempting to determine with scientific precision whether Sean Smiley is the player VCU deserves or the player VCU needs right now. An elaborate system of beakers and pipettes is set up, and George wins the Nobel Prize for going 0/12/0 against McMcaster while accidentally performing the Horner-Wadsworth-Emmons Reaction.

20. Virginia B. After a particularly rambunctious monologue on the pressing need to restore the French monarchy, JR Roach is ordered to take off the second half of their game against Ottawa to calm down by self-appointed neighborhood watch captain Dennis Loo. The ensuing barrage of weak "Who Sat JR?" jokes turns ironically tragic when Dennis is shot by JR.

19. Berkeley. Portions of this team defect when Dave Madden attempts to run a geography tournament in between two sentences of R's speech at the opening meeting. Chad Kubicek declares that the whole situation really melts his cheese.

18. MIT. When it is revealed that this is the last remaining team in the country who hasn't played Bayou-A-Drank 2012, an impromptu mirror is set up on the shuttle from the airport to the hotel. This causes a troop of Girl Scouts travelling to a different convention in the hotel to become interested in bad quizbowl, setting off a chain of events that results in Georgia winning the 2019 ACF Nationals.

17. Alabama. Jake Sundberg brings frozen yogurt for all in celebration of the HSQB forums' tenth anniversary. It remains solid all the way from Alabama in a minor miracle celebrated by Mukherjews. Also, Alabama finishes 17th.

16. Columbia. Michael Arnold takes out a loan against his pending biglaw fortune and uses it to hire the laid-off writing staff of "Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23" to write a blog criticizing the quizbowl forums entitled FireKayLi.com. Cody Voight proclaims the subsequent website the funniest sitcom of the summer, but it is otherwise critically panned.

15. Michigan State. An eligibility scandal erupts when Joe Nutter attempts to pay the team's entry fee in Bitcoins. The value of MSU's digital wallet fluctuates between $3 and $4000 over the course of the tournament, and NAQT retroactively rules that they were a properly registered team only for odd-numbered tossups. Certain even-numbered tossups are forfeited to Truman State.

14. Ohio State. Peter Komarek can answer all of the physics questions, but he can't answer whether he is a Miranda or a Samantha. This causes Ohio State to lose a controversial game to Alabama.

13. Minneapolis CTC. The dynamic duo nearly bounces Maryland from the playoffs until Rob makes an inexplicable neg of "the storyline from Funky Winkerbean where it was implied that Darin and his girlfriend Jessica were actually long-lost brother and sister and were committing incest." Moderator Seth Teitler scolds Rob for not recognizing obvious clues for "the storyline from Funky Winkerbean where Becky lost her arm in a drunk-driving accident." Isaac power-vulches.

12. Rice. After negging a confusing question about the Seminole Wars, Henry's protest against the existence of Florida is ruled "morally correct but not quizbowl correct."

11. Chicago B. Nolan Winkler attempts to get quizbowl to believe that he's "all the good parts of both Henry Winkler and Derek Winkler, with none of the bad." A tragic accident ensues when he tries to live up to the "Fonz" character by jumping Daichi Ueda on a motorcycle.

10. NYU. Having moved up seven spots by quietly proving that all the other teams at 2006 TRASHionals had bribed the tournament organizers with curling trading cards for advance access to the questions, NYU rests on its laurels and only finishes tenth. But it's their first DI ICT in twelve years so that's more than you have to show for yourself!

9. Harvard. Graham Moyer is sued by the Winkelvoss twins for stealing the idea of getting really angry at a bonus entirely on things that the "gentlemen" are ordered to "behold" by Dr. Weird at the beginning of Aqua Teen Hunger Force episodes. He settles out of court for a promise to contribute three comments on the next Slate article about Andy Watkins.

8. Minnesota. Minnesota's first match is against Chicago B, leading Mike Cheyne to shout "IS IT A B TEAM?" seven thousand times. Only three of them are the correct answer, leaving Minnesota in a hole that they dig out of when a Ginseng error deposits all of the tossups on Reddit memes from this year's HSNCT into the second half of ICT packet 1.

7. Maryland. Chris Ray attempts to outwit Matt Bollinger by filibustering a Greek myth tossup against UVA. Matt uses his shadowy connections to the nation's political elite to have Chris killed by a drone strike, and UVA wins by two tossups. R. Hentzel is praised for finishing the packet with time left on the clock. Isaac Hirsch accepts Chris's scoring award.

6. Michigan A. After eating some bad rigatoni at the lunch pasta buffet, Will Nediger skips forward in time. While everyone around him plays round 9 of the ICT, he is inside a relativistic bubble experiencing Ryan Dillon's HSNCT side event on hip-hop. Michigan loses to Berkeley when Will negs a tossup on gel electrophoresis with "Smell Yo Dick."

5. Illinois. Ike Jose is mortified when he finds out his new job making video games is mostly devoted to apps for the new model of Blackberry, and Aaron Rosenberg nearly snaps when someone makes a joke about marinara sauce, though Matt Weiner comes to Aaron's passionate defense. All ends well when Robby Benson is killed by a desk.

4. Penn. An obscure provision of NAQT's contract with the Hyatt requires all round 4 games to be played under Nickelodeon Studios rules. Eric fires Patrick Liao from the team after the ninth time he gets them all slimed for saying the secret word ("Vimy Ridge.") He is replaced with the shards of the candy dishes broken by Brendan Byrne and Mike Sorice at past ICTs. The broken glass goes 1/1/0 to seal a win over Yale.

3. Chicago A. Marshall Steinbaum calls time out in three consecutive games to make angry posts on political forums about, in succession, the availability of boneless chicken at KFC, the death of Margaret Thatcher, and a social science tossup on gender identity that Harrison Brown powered due to his extensive reading of Birdo fan fiction.

2. Yale. In the ultimate travel disaster, the team experiences the plot of every Haruki Murakami novel and short story on the way to the tournament. The brain-sex allows them to learn important facts about the 1958 NFL Championship game as they pass Howie Schwab while leaving Connecticut, which, much like Super-Frog did for Tokyo, saves them in their game against Chicago.

1. Virginia A. In a feint, Ashvin Srivatsa tries to throw UVA off by offhandedly remarking before the final that "Tommy Casalaspi" anagrams to "An Ignominous Moose Locker." After realizing the deception, David Seal is so enraged that he takes over the game and becomes his team's leading scorer, including beating Matt Jackson to an ill-conceived tossup on "Matt Jackson" that was for some reason classified as "soccer any time." UVa wins.
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