GRUDGE MATCH II: Ghost Ride the Grudge Match

BuzzerZen · Post by **BuzzerZen** » Mon Feb 12, 2007 11:31 pm

"I DONT SPEAK FOR NAQT"

vs.

"CLEAN, ARTICULATE, AND A NICE GUY"

Stained Diviner · Post by **Stained Diviner** » Tue Feb 13, 2007 12:05 am

"I DONT SPEAK FOR NAQT" wins, since anything coming out of the Joe Biden for President Campaign is a waste of time and energy.

NHL

vs.

NASCAR

Post by **DumbJaques** » Tue Feb 13, 2007 1:09 am

NHL

vs.

NASCAR

World's Strongest Man in a shutout, as several people named Magnusson beat wayne gretzky with the pace car.

Next:
Blimps that run on Aether
VS.
Russian Rivers that run on the primordial rage of Jerry Vinokurov

Rothlover · Post by **Rothlover** » Tue Feb 13, 2007 2:16 am

DumbJaques wrote:
NHL

vs.

NASCAR
World's Strongest Man in a shutout, as several people named Magnusson beat wayne gretzky with the pace car.

Next:
Blimps that run on Aether
VS.
Russian Rivers that run on the primordial rage of Jerry Vinokurovs

The rivers, since Jerry's rage is insanely powerful (his rage is actually several cylinders in most car engines).

Next matchup is a tag team falls count anywhere affair

Dead Baby Jokes/ Holocaust rape jokes v. Rebecca Golden/Alma Molina

BuzzerZen · Post by **BuzzerZen** » Tue Feb 13, 2007 7:52 am

PLEASE USE CORRECT MATCHUP FORMAT IN FUTURE.

Mr. Kwalter · Post by **Mr. Kwalter** » Tue Feb 13, 2007 8:51 pm

Rothlover wrote:Next matchup is a tag team falls count anywhere affair

Dead Baby Jokes/ Holocaust rape jokes v. Rebecca Golden/Alma Molina

Golden/Molina no question, as Golden would call the Holocaust and threaten to shut it down if the rape jokes didn't stop.

Next Matchup:

PEOPLE ACTUALLY THINKING IT WOULD BE OKAY TO GIVE 3 SOUTHWEST TEAMS D2 BIDS

vs.

HEDGE FUNDS HIRING QUIZBOWLERS BASED ON ACF NATIONALS PPG

Rothlover · Post by **Rothlover** » Tue Feb 13, 2007 9:27 pm

Kit Cloudkicker wrote:
Rothlover wrote:Next matchup is a tag team falls count anywhere affair

Dead Baby Jokes/ Holocaust rape jokes v. Rebecca Golden/Alma Molina
Golden/Molina no question, as Golden would call the Holocaust and threaten to shut it down if the rape jokes didn't stop.

Next Matchup:

PEOPLE ACTUALLY THINKING IT WOULD BE OKAY TO GIVE 3 SOUTHWEST TEAMS D2 BIDS

vs.

HEDGE FUNDS HIRING QUIZBOWLERS BASED ON ACF NATIONALS PPG

The Hedgefunders short massive quantities of Jason Loy futures, thereby allowing them to buy an Escalade housing Israel Broke My Arm, which Andrew Yaphe will pull 10 feet forward any time Oklahoma tries to get in. Leo Wolpert will drunkenly pour stuff on the Southwest giving Jerry time to whip softballs at them. Its not even a matchup, its Jewvenge for Leo Frank, motherfuckas.

Next Matchup

Saint Bernard Passes

v.

Those stupid wheeled shoes that were inexplicably a SCT tu
[ETC: Heelies]

pray for elves · Post by **pray for elves** » Tue Feb 13, 2007 9:47 pm

The liquor carried by the St. Bernards in the pass intoxicates the wearer of the shoes so he crashes.

It's the NBA Draft 3-way special!

Greg Oden

vs.

Joakim Noah

vs.

Kevin Durant

Matt Weiner · Post by **Matt Weiner** » Tue Feb 13, 2007 9:55 pm

DeisEvan wrote:It's the NBA Draft 3-way special!

Greg Oden

vs.

Joakim Noah

vs.

Kevin Durant

Dick Vitale's constant adulation for Durant and the barrage of unoriginal people rushing to point out that Greg Oden looks old grapple with each other in a world-rendering stalemate of sports blowhardism, enabling Noah to sneak by.

PRICE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MACS AND PCS

v.

PERFORMANCE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MACS AND PCS

BuzzerZen · Post by **BuzzerZen** » Tue Feb 13, 2007 10:01 pm

Matt Weiner wrote: PRICE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MACS AND PCS

v.

PERFORMANCE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MACS AND PCS

Steve Jobs weighs his options and releases a Mac that costs infinity dollars. Michael Dell tries to start charging infinity plus one dollars, but someone points out he can't do that. Performance differences are negligible, so price wins by a knockout.

Next matchup:

BONUSES

vs.

bonuses

pray for elves · Post by **pray for elves** » Tue Feb 13, 2007 10:08 pm

The people who say "bone-ee" get in a fight with those who say "bone-eye", causing bonuses to be able to come in and destroy them.

Since I'm watching the end of Tennessee vs. Kentucky...

BRUCE PEARL'S ORANGE BLAZER

v.

OREGON'S DAY-GLO YELLOW UNIFORMS

dtaylor4 · Post by **dtaylor4** » Tue Feb 13, 2007 10:18 pm

Illinois fans rush from Brian Carlwell's bedside to beat the shit out of Bruce Pearl for stealing Bruce Weber's blazer.

Next Matchup:

NBA ALL-STAR GAME

v.

NBA SLAM DUNK CONTEST

dschafer · Post by **dschafer** » Tue Feb 13, 2007 10:56 pm

The NHL ALL-STAR GAME is the surprise winner, with the winning goal from Alex Ovechkin (shorthanded, 19:03 in the 3rd).

Next matchup:

VALENTINE'S DAY CANDY HEARTS

vs.

HALLOWEEN CANDY CORN

BuzzerZen · Post by **BuzzerZen** » Wed Feb 14, 2007 11:38 pm

Candy hearts overpower candy corn with their nauseating terrible flavor.

next matchup:

IRRELEVANT SPORTS ANALOGIES

vs.

WEIRD SALSA DANCING ANALOGIES FROM DR. CHUCK

pray for elves · Post by **pray for elves** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 12:12 am

Dr. Chuck's analogies come like a hanging curve right down the middle and are smacked out of the park by irrelevant sports analogies. Boo-yah! Just like a two-foot putt, or an empty net. That's levitation, homes.

TOSSUPS WITH SUPERNEGS

v.

BONUSES WITH BOUNCEBACK

Tegan · Post by **Tegan** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 2:22 am

DeisEvan wrote:
TOSSUPS WITH SUPERNEGS
v.
BONUSES WITH BOUNCEBACK

I've never heard of supernegs, so my frush beats that. Bonuses with bouncebacks help keep one (wo)man wrecking crews a little more honest.

SAMSONITE
vs.
PITTSBURGH STEELERS

cvdwightw · Post by **cvdwightw** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 3:41 am

Tegan wrote:SAMSONITE
vs.
PITTSBURGH STEELERS

The Steel Curtain holds the luggage to -25 yards rushing and new air travel restrictions hinder the passing game. Steelers, 37-0.

Next:
TOSSUPS PLAGIARIZED FROM WIKIPEDIA
vs
VARIABLE-VALUE BONUSES

Matt Weiner · Post by **Matt Weiner** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 3:45 am

cvdwightw wrote:Next:
TOSSUPS PLAGIARIZED FROM WIKIPEDIA
vs
VARIABLE-VALUE BONUSES

Variable value bonuses are just sad, but Wikipedia plagiarism allows us to learn that "some people believe the Treaty of Campoformio was signed at least a hundred years ago and appears in the following TOMMIE EATS FARTZORS episodes of Family Guy." Amusing terrible questions > boring terrible questions.

"YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME"

vs.

"IT'S DIVISION I FOOTBALL"

First Chairman · Post by **First Chairman** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 8:47 am

Herm Edwards quote is classic and inclusive of a lot of sports (including qb). Dan Hawkins will... eventually (I prefer, "Go play intramurals, brother" as the classic quote). But it takes more balls to respond in ridiculous fashion to the media for asking stupid questions than to answer an anonymous letter from a parent.

ANNA NICOLE SMITH'S BABY
vs.
TOM-KAT'S BABY

Post by **theMoMA** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 11:13 am

E.T. Chuck wrote: ANNA NICOLE SMITH'S BABY
vs.
TOM-KAT'S BABY

scientology vs. anything is a clear win for anything.

TOSSUPS ON SUDOKU

vs.

TOSSUPS ON JUMPING THE SHARK

dtaylor4 · Post by **dtaylor4** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 11:58 am

theMoMA wrote: scientology vs. anything is a clear win for anything.

TOSSUPS ON SUDOKU

vs.

TOSSUPS ON JUMPING THE SHARK

The shark tears the paper to pieces, but afterwards he is taken out by a kick to the shins.

Next fight on the card:
TJ 2005

vs.

GROUP OF RANDOM IMMIGRANTS

Post by **DumbJaques** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 12:15 pm

It turns out this is over an application to the University of Michigan law school, for which four white, upper class males have no chance. Immigrants all the way.

Next, it's another tag-team event:

"ET CHUCK'S CAT/ANDREW YAPHE'S CAT"

VS.

"AN UNVACCINATED JONATHAN THOMPSON AT THIS YEAR'S ICT"

Captain Sinico · Post by **Captain Sinico** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 1:37 pm

Nothing can defeat Wallace. Ever. Conversely, JT never wins. This one is easy.

ROUND 21:

"GOOD"

VS.

"BAD"

BuzzerZen · Post by **BuzzerZen** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 2:12 pm

To say that "good" is better than "bad" is to imply that there are objective aesthetic standards that can be applied to things. Consequently, "bad" is similarly unable to overcome "good." Everyone gets discouraged and writes angry postmodern screeds against capitalism.

Next matchup:

A HINDENBURG TRANSFORMER

vs.

A TITANIC TRANSFORMER

brownboy79 · Post by **brownboy79** » Wed Feb 28, 2007 9:11 pm

BuzzerZen wrote:
Next matchup:

A HINDENBURG TRANSFORMER

vs.

A TITANIC TRANSFORMER

The Hindenburg Transformer blows up, leading to fire, melting the infamous iceberg. Titanic Transformer throws down on any remains.

Next Matchup:

OWEN MEANY

vs.

PANIC! AT THE DISCO

dtaylor4 · Post by **dtaylor4** » Wed Feb 28, 2007 10:04 pm

brownboy79 wrote: OWEN MEANY

vs.

PANIC! AT THE DISCO

Franz Ferdinand comes in and bashes their heads together, but subsequently gets its ass kicked by Anti-Franz.

Next Matchup:

J. J. REDICK

V

AN ACTUAL CONDOR

Post by **theMoMA** » Thu Mar 01, 2007 12:45 am

J. J. REDICK

V

AN ACTUAL CONDOR

The condor has a 9.5 foot wingspan. Who do you think wins this? (hint)

Next matchup:

Missouri

v.

Misery

Edit: POST 69!

Zip Zap Rap Pants · Post by **Zip Zap Rap Pants** » Thu Mar 01, 2007 3:45 am

theMoMA wrote:
J. J. REDICK

V

AN ACTUAL CONDOR
The condor has a 9.5 foot wingspan. Who do you think wins this? (hint)

Next matchup:

Missouri

v.

Misery

Edit: POST 69!

First off Carlos Delfino is badass, secondly...

Missourah comes in to team up with Missouri, and the tag team is able to take our Misery with the awe-inspiring St. Louis arch (from Missouri) and the carefree tales by Mark Twain, along with a hearty glass of lemonade (both from Missourah).

Next:

69

v.

420

and/or

23 (like in the movie)

v.

666

Frater Taciturnus · Post by **Frater Taciturnus** » Fri May 11, 2007 1:08 pm

Michael Jordan beats the cast of "The Omen" to death.

NEXT:

Batman

vs.

Spiderman

dtaylor4 · Post by **dtaylor4** » Fri May 11, 2007 1:20 pm

dsfcaptains2005 wrote: Batman

vs.

Spiderman

Lee Henry comes in with a stash of kryptonite, and from there it's easy pickings for Batman.

NEXT:

GAME 7, WESTERN CONFERENCE FINALS IN THE FUTURE

DALLAS MAVERICKS (LED BY DIRK NOWITZKI)

V

HOUSTON ROCKETS (LED BY TRACY MCGRADY)

quizbowllee · Post by **quizbowllee** » Fri May 11, 2007 1:32 pm

DaGeneral wrote:
dsfcaptains2005 wrote: Batman

vs.

Spiderman
Lee Henry comes in with a stash of kryptonite, and from there it's easy pickings for Batman.

Kryptonite would be pretty useless against Spiderman, dude...

But Batman would still win. He'd bring a big bottle of bug spray. And a big-ass fly-swatter attachment to the Batmobile.

Frater Taciturnus · Post by **Frater Taciturnus** » Fri May 11, 2007 1:40 pm

DaGeneral wrote:
NEXT:

GAME 7, WESTERN CONFERENCE FINALS IN THE FUTURE

DALLAS MAVERICKS (LED BY DIRK NOWITZKI)

V

HOUSTON ROCKETS (LED BY TRACY MCGRADY)

Rockets soar as Dirk and the Mavs are shut down in the first round (again.)

NEXT:

questions

vs.

CBI's HS "questions"[/url]

grapesmoker · Post by **grapesmoker** » Fri May 11, 2007 3:18 pm

dsfcaptains2005 wrote:
DaGeneral wrote: Rockets soar

I have some news for you...

ecks · Post by **ecks** » Fri May 11, 2007 3:36 pm

dsfcaptains2005 wrote:NEXT:

questions

vs.

CBI's HS "questions"

CBI is relegated to a single thread, whereas

pops up unexpectedly everywhere, enabling his questions to engage in a devastating guerrilla war. Also, the HS questions bear a striking resemblance to their college questions, begging the question if those at CBI will ever do original work.

NEXT:

"CONSTRUCTIVE" CRITICISM

vs.

HILARIOUS TRAINWRECKS (the message board kind)

Frater Taciturnus · Post by **Frater Taciturnus** » Fri May 11, 2007 5:16 pm

ecks wrote:
NEXT:

"CONSTRUCTIVE" CRITICISM

vs.

HILARIOUS TRAINWRECKS (the message board kind)

Constructive criticism suggests that the trainwrecks try to stick to topics and hand, which leads into free speech debate, eventually leading to a flame war. Trainwrecks win again.

NEXT:

Facebook

vs.

Myspace

mlaird · Post by **mlaird** » Fri May 11, 2007 9:32 pm

dsfcaptains2005 wrote:NEXT:

Facebook

vs.

Myspace

Unfortunately, Facebook catches something from MySpace while "social networking". Everyone is a loser. Especially emokids.

NEXT:

INTERNET MEMES

vs.

AHAN JR.

rchschem · Post by **rchschem** » Sat May 12, 2007 12:09 am

mlaird wrote: NEXT:

INTERNET MEMES

vs.

AHAN JR.

All your AHAN are belong to us. Not just JR.

NEXT: Jared wants to know...

SUBWAY

vs.

PORN

No Sollositing On Premise · Sat May 12, 2007 12:45 am

rchschem wrote:NEXT: Jared wants to know...

SUBWAY

vs.

PORN

Subway may be delicious, satisfying, and convenient, but if one is concentrating on porn, then subway isn't on one's mind. The vice-versa of that statement is not necessarily true. Victory to porn.

JASON MUELLER'S EGO

vs.

THE SUN

ecks · Post by **ecks** » Sat May 12, 2007 2:08 am

laszlow wrote: JASON MUELLER'S EGO

vs.

THE SUN

The sun will eventually explode AND cannot sustain itself when there is nothing there worth sustaining. Jason's ego wins.

NEXT:

Clogging the intertubes

vs.

Fluffy kittens

dxdtdemon · Post by **dxdtdemon** » Sun May 13, 2007 9:42 pm

Clogging the intertubes wins because "intertube" is a weird but cool word.

NEXT:

BEAUTY AND THE GEEK

vs.

A REALITY SHOW WHERE THE UF QUIZBOWL TEAM LIVES IN A HOUSE TOGETHER AND VOTES EACH OTHER OUT

First Chairman · Post by **First Chairman** » Sun May 13, 2007 9:58 pm

There are more hot girls on Beauty and the Geek than there are hot guys in the UF QB reality show. So I've been told. No disrespecting the Gainesville real estate either, but the MTV Mansion beats the UF frat house.

MOON PIES

vs.

RC COLA

The consumable items, not the tournaments please.

BuzzerZen · Post by **BuzzerZen** » Sun May 13, 2007 10:26 pm

E.T. Chuck wrote: MOON PIES

vs.

RC COLA

The consumable items, not the tournaments please.

RC Cola was available from the vending machines at the 4-H center were my synagogue's retreats were held for many years. I can't say I've ever had a Moon Pie. RC Cola wins.

Next matchup:

"LIFE IS SHORT: GET A DIVORCE"

vs.

"LIFE TAKES VISA"

Mike Bentley · Post by **Mike Bentley** » Sun May 13, 2007 11:02 pm

BuzzerZen wrote:
E.T. Chuck wrote: MOON PIES

vs.

RC COLA

The consumable items, not the tournaments please.
RC Cola was available from the vending machines at the 4-H center were my synagogue's retreats were held for many years. I can't say I've ever had a Moon Pie. RC Cola wins.

Next matchup:

"LIFE IS SHORT: GET A DIVORCE"

vs.

"LIFE TAKES VISA"

Jerry Seinfeld and his hilariously un-super friend Superman get too caught up commenting about how normal people don't get those torsos on the Get a Divorce billboard. Victory for divorce.

STINGRAY AWARD VOTER FRAUD

vs.

GEORGE BUSH ELECTION FRAUD (lololol quizbowl liberal bias)

dxdtdemon · Post by **dxdtdemon** » Sun May 13, 2007 11:07 pm

Stingray award voter fraud since it actually exists.

Next:

That UF reality show idea I had earlier

vs.

A reality show where Mike Sorice, Seth Teitler and Jason Mueller have to live in the same house for six weeks

chune72 · Post by **chune72** » Mon May 14, 2007 3:58 am

After hearing one more CBI question, Aaron snaps and kills us all---the show gets cancelled, so by default the other show wins.

Next:

DOUG ROBESON

vs.

A GRIZZLY BEAR

Rothlover · Post by **Rothlover** » Mon May 14, 2007 5:30 am

chune72 wrote:After hearing one more CBI question, Aaron snaps and kills us all---the show gets cancelled, so by default the other show wins.

Next:

DOUG ROBESON

vs.

A GRIZZLY BEAR

After bleaching the bear's head blonde, teaching it to score 15 ppg at moon pie, posing it in a bikini made of bath bubbles and singing "Lady in Red" to it, McDoug finds himself with a prolapsed colon and a shitload of putrid ursine cum.

Next battle:

Bruce Arthur

vs.

200mph hardcore dessicated winfield scott cock

Sen. Estes Kefauver (D-TN) · Mon May 14, 2007 1:28 pm

Definitely the cock.

NEXT:
Brandeis is fucking racist

vs.

CBI

The Time Keeper · Post by **The Time Keeper** » Mon May 14, 2007 1:32 pm

charlieDfromNKC wrote:Definitely the cock.

NEXT:
Brandeis is fucking racist

vs.

CBI

Since CBI can never win anything, I have to go with Brandeis. Although you would think a school with so many Jews would have been able to come up with something funnier than that comic strip or whatever it was.

NEXT:

How goddamn autistic Jason Mueller is

vs.

How goddamn suave Paul Litvak is

Frater Taciturnus · Post by **Frater Taciturnus** » Mon May 14, 2007 1:56 pm

Dolemite wrote:
charlieDfromNKC wrote:Definitely the cock.

NEXT:
Brandeis is fucking racist

vs.

CBI
Since CBI can never win anything, I have to go with Brandeis. Although you would think a school with so many Jews would have been able to come up with something funnier than that comic strip or whatever it was.

NEXT:

How goddamn autistic Jason Mueller is

vs.

How goddamn suave Paul Litvak is

Since Jason can only win at CBI, and CBI can't win anything, Litvak wins by default

ROUND CXLVIII:

well written, but obscure trash

vs.

batshit-insanely obscure academic crap

millionwaves · Post by **millionwaves** » Mon May 14, 2007 1:58 pm

By volume, obscure academic crap defeats well-written trash.

NEXT:

Quizbowl-themed reality TV. (Sorice, Teitler, etc. in a house with cameras)

vs.

Quizbowl-themed murder mystery games. (Sorice, Teitler, etc. in a house with weapons)

EDITED: To avoid a repeat.