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Dealing with Toxicity in QB

Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2019 11:14 am
by jij03
This has been an issue since I started. Several members of my team are like this. But. There is a Particular member on my team that repeatedly chooses to be blatantly rude and condescending towards me nonstop at QB practice and tournaments. It is definitely a hindrance on by play (I do well at tournaments where I am not around this person, whereas when I'm on the same team i play poorly) I have talked to my coach about this already and there is nothing he can do to fix it. Im not going to go into Detail unless asked. How do I deal with this? It is near impossible to ignore him as he gets into my personal space to do so.

Thanks.

Re: (No signature for Anonymity Reasons) Dealing with Toxicity in QB

Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2019 11:28 am
by Gae Bulg
I think you should first contact your school administration and see if they can do anything about it.

Re: (No signature for Anonymity Reasons) Dealing with Toxicity in QB

Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2019 11:55 am
by Santa Claus
You should make sure that your coach/teachers/other authority figures are aware that this happening, because this is coming across like bullying. If you’ve made them aware and they aren’t willing to step in, perhaps question them why? It seems your experience is being directly affected by this. You could have them accompany you while you confronted them directly. Even if they have personal conflicts with you, it’s unreasonable if this is continuing at official events, especially if it is under the eyes of your coach.

(Also note that disabling your signature doesn’t stop people from going to your profile and viewing it there or just remembering your forum username)

Re: (No signature for Anonymity Reasons) Dealing with Toxicity in QB

Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2019 1:17 pm
by jij03
Santa Claus wrote:
Thu Apr 25, 2019 11:55 am
You should make sure that your coach/teachers/other authority figures are aware that this happening, because this is coming across like bullying. If you’ve made them aware and they aren’t willing to step in, perhaps question them why? It seems your experience is being directly affected by this. You could have them accompany you while you confronted them directly. Even if they have personal conflicts with you, it’s unreasonable if this is continuing at official events, especially if it is under the eyes of your coach.
Thank you kevin for pointing it out. I may as well just tack my signature on. I did not word one of my sentences correctly. I have brought it up with my coach, but I don't believe actions have been taken. Its also known by at least Eric Mukherjee that I have very mild autism (what was once known as Aspergers syndrome). Said person does not know that I do, yet i fear that i could be indirectly giving him reasons to harass. I am appreciative of the QB community because I have made SO many friends inside of it outside my team and state. So that is why I have taken to the Forums.

I am well aware of the reputation of my school in the QB community, and am also aware that many of you all have reserves towards my coach due to behavior on the forums. If possible, please do not send any sort of message to my coach. I will handle it myself.

Re: Dealing with Toxicity in QB

Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2019 7:26 pm
by Joshua Rutsky
There is really nothing more important to a team than team chemistry. Toxic team stuff will destroy your chances of success.

While it is certainly part of the coach's job to prevent this from happening, what bothers me more is that you have other teammates who apparently are not responding to this. They should be stepping in to stop this behavior, especially since it is much more likely that the person in question will listen to peers than to an adult. Your team should be like your family - you may have disagreements and you may have tensions at times, but you stand together. Your team captain or senior players need to set that tone and make it clear to your teammate that the behavior isn't acceptable. It risks the work all of you have put into your year.

Re: Dealing with Toxicity in QB

Posted: Fri Apr 26, 2019 12:53 am
by marianna
Hey, I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this. That person's conduct is definitely out of line.

I'm sorry to hear that talking to your coach has not been a productive solution - I'm confused and upset on your behalf that they have not taken action. I don't want to request more details than what you're comfortable with, but several possibilities come to mind: they've taken action without your knowledge (which has been ineffective given that that person's conduct is continuing), that they're working on taking action but have yet to, and god forbid, that they don't think that it's a problem. If you're not sure which it is, I would suggest following up with the coach if you're comfortable doing so.

If the coach is a deadend, is there anyone affiliated with the team who you trust? For an example, if there's a teammate or some teammates you trust, it might be helpful to check in with them to see if any of them have noticed that person's conduct and also thought it was problematic. In that case, you might be able to confront that person as a group, so that you don't have to do it alone and you have the support of at least part of the team behind you. Another possibility is if there's another teacher that you would trust to confide in, and who might be able to take action in response. They might not have a role on the quizbowl team, but teachers know other teachers and students, and they may be able to reach out to the person from a position of authority and/or the coach from a position of a peer to effect action. Yet another possibility might be talking with a guidance counselor at your school if you feel comfortable doing so, or with a parent who is involved (eg as a chaperone) in the quizbowl team.