ICT Predictions

[Cheynem]

Time to post your ICT predictions here. I realize the field isn't 100% set yet, but I will assume Ottawa is coming.

I will begin by comparing each team to a participant in the 1992 Royal Rumble that I believe best sums up their style of play and chances of winning.

Because there are 32 teams at DI ICT and 30 men in the Rumble, I will cheat and add two wrestlers who were at the Rumble but didn't appear in the Rumble match.

Alabama: I.R.S. Jake Sundberg, like I.R.S., is a master of all things mathematical.

Buffalo: Virgil. Virgil was a great story in the WWF, having recently betrayed his boss Ted DiBiase. Buffalo is a great story in that they are a (relatively) new program that seems very involved. Like Virgil, though, I don't see Buffalo as a top bracket threat.

Berkeley: Shawn Michaels. Very bright future, but probably not quite here yet. Give them time and they'll be the Heartbreak Kids.

Central Florida: Skinner. Skinner hunted gators, I assume UCF also fights gators.

Chicago A: Jake "the Snake" Roberts. When I hear Marshall talk, I hear the cold calculated promos of the master sadist, Jake "The Snake."

Chicago B: Randy Savage. Chicago B always seems to beat Chicago A and Randy Savage was obsessed with taking out Jake the Snake at this Rumble. Plus I assume whoever is on this team would look very humorous dressing like the Macho Man.

Columbia: Ted DiBiase, the Million Dollar Man. Ted and Marnold cut excellent heel promos, although Marnold is better at it while drunk. Ted got a crappy number (first entry), Columbia got very undervalued in the D-value. All of it aside, DiBiase didn't last very long in the Rumble and I don't see Columbia making a top bracket run.

Cornell: The Barbarian. I dunno.

Delaware: The Warlord. Me either. Somebody had to be these guys.

Harvard: Roddy Piper. Dark horse candidate to win; Piper mounts a serious challenge to Flair at one point, and Harvard was the serious threat to UVA last year (admittedly with different players).

Illinois: Colonel Mustafa (a.k.a. the Iron Sheik). Read the last, crazy Illinois Open and compare it to a Sheik promo and there is no doubt Ike Jose is the successor to the Sheik.

Maryland: The Undertaker. Like the Taker, Chris Ray has been around forever and is apparently some undead monster at Maryland who refuses to die. I see Maryland taking some of the main contenders to the limit, as it took Hogan himself to knock out the Taker.

McMaster: Jim Neidhart. They are also Canadian. And since I have no idea who is on this team, surely someone on the team can be called "The Anvil."

Michigan A: The British Bulldog. Well, if you count "British" as "Canadian," they have Will Nediger, and um, I dunno. A credible threat to win, but just as the Bulldog hung around a looong time and was then eliminated before the second half of the Rumble, Michigan has to get over the hump of making it to the top bracket.

Michigan B: Hercules. I don't know if Saul Hankin is still around, but I will name this team after a wrestler who shares his name with a MARVEL superhero.

Michigan State: The Big Boss Man. Joe Nutter loves the police!

MCTC: Rick "the Model" Martel. Dastardly Rob Carson and his heel tactics and hair care products make him the clear successor to Martel. Like Rob, Martel was also a master of the big game tournaments like the Rumble.

Minnesota A: Tito Santana. Aging veteran who is still a little dangerous. Even better Santana was the former partner of RIck Martel, mirroring the Hart/Carson relationship.

Minnesota B: Jerry Sags. Peter and Han are the "Nasty Boys."

MIT: Sgt. Slaughter. The Sarge was bouncing back after supporting Iraq in the Gulf War; MIT is trying to bounce back from the cloud of last year, and like the Sarge, I think they'll do just fine.

NYU: Jimmy Snuka. Yogesh, like Superfly, is very old.

Ohio State: Greg Valentine. Longtime nemesis of Tito Santana, Jarret Greene is my longtime nemesis. Unlike real life, Valentine defeated Santana on occasion.

Ottawa: The Mountie. Jordan Palmer is very Canadian, as was the Mountie, who wasn't actually in the Rumble match.

Penn: Sid Justice. Eric Mukherjee, like Sid Justice, is a psychotic individual hell-bent at winning the title. Sid finished second and that's where I see Penn, and it took a double team of both Hogan and Flair to eliminate him, so I think Penn might actually end up beating UVA at least once but taking some other loss that seals their fate.

Rice: The Texas Tornado. Nice young man Henry Gorman plays in Texas. I'm confident this team will not suffer the same (tragic) fate as the real life Tornado.

Texas A&M: Haku. In real life, Haku gouged out a dude's eyeball. If Jeff Crean is still on this team, I don't want to mess with him either.

Truman State: Nikolai Volkff. I see Jacob O'Rourke as a threatening Russian type.

Virginia A: Ric Flair. Well, they win, of course. Matt Bollinger has lived his life by one rule: to be the man, you have to beat the man. But like Flair, who got help from Mr. Perfect and Bobby Heenan, he has a lot of arrows in his quiver as well, such as Tommy "the Brain" Casalapsi and Davey Boy Seal.

Virginia B: The Berzerker. A lot of Daniel Hothem questions before proofreading sound like a Berzerker promo to me, which is just him shouting "HUSS! HUSS!" over and over. That said, like the Berzerker, this team has a lot of strength.

VCU: Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Duggan chanted "U-S-A!" Cody Voight (who won't be there, I know) loves USA...the network.

WUSTL: Repo Man. Charles Hang played DII twice, Repo Man got eliminated from the match and snuck back in to get eliminated again.

Yale: Hulk Hogan. Beloved icon Matt Jackson has had tremendous success at ICT (winning DII) and ACF Nationals. He says his prayers and eats his vitamins. What are you going to do, Eric Mukherjee and Matt Bollinger, when Yale runs all over you? Hogan took third at the Rumble, I project Yale at third but like Hogan, getting a last laugh (?) at a later event.

[Important Bird Area]

I realize the field isn't 100% set yet, but I will assume Ottawa is coming.

Ottawa has confirmed registration, so the Division I field is full at 32 teams.

There are currently 31 teams registered in Division II. Amherst was granted an extension that expires today.

[1992 in spaceflight]

My Predictions.

Top Bracket
Virginia A
Penn
Yale
Illinois A
Maryland A
Minnesota A
Michigan A (if they don't get put in the hardest prelim bracket like last year)
Chicago A

Second Bracket
Harvard
Michigan State
OSU
MIT
NYU
Alabama
Berkeley
Virginia B

In my opinion, most of the teams I'm predicting to be in the second bracket could wind up in the top bracket if they can upset one of the teams above them.

[The Ununtiable Twine]

I predict...not. I predict not.

I do not have any more money left to make predictions.

[Ringil]

Someone with wrestling knowledge should translate Mike Cheyne's prediction post into English.

[marnold]

My top bracket:

Michigan A - A mix-up in the Michigan travel office means the quizbowl team plays VCU's basketball team March 28 in the Sweet Sixteen while the basketball team will play VCU in Round 4 at ICT. Michigan wins both: VCU can't turn Bryan Berend over and Kurtis finishes with 14 rebounds, while Trey Burke demonstrates some deep lattice energy knowledge.

Yale - Bryce Durgin ran the numbers: Yale wins the tournament 27% of the times it's held, Kevin Koai can't hit left-handed pitching in day games and Matt Jackson has seen his improvement slowed by Tommy John surgery. Who am I to argue?

Minnesota A - They emerge first from their prelim bracket scoring an upset of Virginia: Andrew Hart distracts David Seal with a thorny question of Pullman abstention allowing Mike Cheyne to snap up the tossup on that one episode of iCarly where Sam finally kisses Freddie. Things go poorly in the afternoon though when they sub-in secret weapon Elite Team Player; I don't really remember enough about that guy to make a joke about how he screws up or even remember what his real name was, but I think it's funny enough his nickname seriously was Elite Team Player.

Central Florida - Did any of these people go to Valencia? I have no idea, but all my ICT qualification complaints about hostbids were high-quality Borglum-style BULLETIN BOARD material. Their revenge-studying takes them most of the way, but they need a little luck too, beating Chris Ray to a buzzer race on a George O'Leary tossup.

Chicago A - Seth Teitler's attempts to exercise dead hand control over the team to make Chicago rearrange their rosters so they win the UG title go horribly awry when it's discovered Peter Austin buried a poison pill in the team charter. As Chicago shares flood the market, corporate raiders swoop in, meaning Marshall spends most of the playoffs in pitch meetings to satisfy his Revlon duties. These corporate law jokes doing anything for anyone?

Penn - Eric's infamous travel struggles continue as on Saturday morning he finds himself in the Rosemont neighborhood of Calgary. Dallas puts the team on his back and carries them to the top bracket while Eric enjoys a meeting of the Rocky Mountain Ramblers at the community center on 10th St and 23rd Avenue.

Illinois - Weird things are afoot for Illinois the day before the tournament. A tube feeds bees into Ike Jose's bedroom as he reads the daily paper, someone runs over Aaron Rosenberg's bicycle, the brakes on the team car are cut... It all becomes terrifyingly clear: fanatical Wes Anderson fan Dan Donohue is recreating that one montage from Rushmore in an attempt to get Northwestern off the standby list.

Virginia A - Seriously, no more titles for David. This is getting ridiculous.

[Demonic Leftovers]

Chicago A - Seth Teitler's attempts to exercise dead hand control over the team to make Chicago rearrange their rosters so they win the UG title go horribly awry when it's discovered Peter Austin buried a poison pill in the team charter. As Chicago shares flood the market, corporate raiders swoop in, meaning Marshall spends most of the playoffs in pitch meetings to satisfy his Revlon duties. These corporate law jokes doing anything for anyone?

Yes. But I think the real question raised here is if the pill itself can survive a Unocal challenge.

[Tale of Mac Datho's Pachycephalosaur]

Buffalo: Virgil. Virgil was a great story in the WWF, having recently betrayed his boss Ted DiBiase. Buffalo is a great story in that they are a (relatively) new program that seems very involved. Like Virgil, though, I don't see Buffalo as a top bracket threat.

We may surprise you if I can cajole our lit guy to accompany us. In spirit, though, I agree with this evaluation.

[Cheynem]

Just to be clear, I didn't mean any slight to you or the other teams in this, which was intended mostly for good natured humor. Any team is capable of surprising.

[Tale of Mac Datho's Pachycephalosaur]

All of this is well-taken. Next year, I request that teams be rated as Ig Nobel winners.

[Frater Taciturnus]

All of this is well-taken. Next year, I request that teams be rated as Ig Nobel winners.

BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD.

[Nine-Tenths Ideas]

Here's my top bracket:

1. University of Virginia A
The finals of ICT turn out to be a Japanese gameshow, and members of UVA use their superior experience at them to emerge victorious.

2. Penn A
One of our freshmen, who occasionally attends tournaments, texted me "Eric is pretty good right" appropos of nothing recently. He's right.

3. Illinois A
Last year's bracket denters [I wouldn't go as far as saying "bracket busters"] will have another good year. Ike Jose is the best, just a really awesome guy and I'm going to keep buttering him up.

4. Michigan A

5. Maryland A
oh right almost forgot about them

6. Yale
Losing John Lawrence really hurt them. At least, it did in my mind. I'm not going to check to see if actual results bear this out.

7. U Chicago A
Doug's continued improvement is helping ensure that literally all of my high school class of 2010 contemporaries will become some of the best players in the game. MY TURN IS COMING ANY DAY NOW.

8. Central Florida
Central Florida has a legit chance to crack the top 8. They really did a great job and fought hard to earn their bid to ICT, and did not shut out any more qualified teams or anything.

[ValenciaQBowl]

Central Florida - Did any of these people go to Valencia?

Alas, no. CC players (excluding George Berry and Charles Hang, if we consider the latter to have ever really been a CC player) generally don't continue playing, or at least mine don't. I have lots of theories, but this ain't the place for them, and people probably don't care that much anyway. But I do love me some BULLETIN BOARD!

Anyway, my prediction is that Chipola, with the hardest working dude in quiz bowl, Paul Kelson, will make a serious run at the top bracket in DII. To my knowledge, my Valencia team of 2003, which took second in DII after a loss to Jerry's Berkeley team, is the only CC to make the top bracket previously. And Paul's got a legit shot at top three. My Red team could threaten the top bracket if things go their way. After that, I'm afraid the CC's will drop off a bit, but those two will be interesting to watch.

[Frater Taciturnus]

with the hardest working dude in quiz bowl, Paul Kelson,

What a weird way to spell "Matt Bollinger"

[The Ununtiable Twine]

Central Florida - Did any of these people go to Valencia?

Alas, no. CC players (excluding George Berry and Charles Hang, if we consider the latter to have ever really been a CC player) generally don't continue playing, or at least mine don't. I have lots of theories, but this ain't the place for them, and people probably don't care that much anyway. But I do love me some BULLETIN BOARD!

Anyway, my prediction is that Chipola, with the hardest working dude in quiz bowl, Paul Kelson, will make a serious run at the top bracket in DII. To my knowledge, my Valencia team of 2003, which took second in DII after a loss to Jerry's Berkeley team, is the only CC to make the top bracket previously. And Paul's got a legit shot at top three. My Red team could threaten the top bracket if things go their way. After that, I'm afraid the CC's will drop off a bit, but those two will be interesting to watch.

My prediction is that Chipola will win DII. Take THAT, Borglum.

[merv1618]

I predict...not. I predict not.

I do not have any more money left to make predictions.

Central Florida - Did any of these people go to Valencia?

Alas, no. CC players (excluding George Berry and Charles Hang, if we consider the latter to have ever really been a CC player) generally don't continue playing, or at least mine don't. I have lots of theories, but this ain't the place for them, and people probably don't care that much anyway. But I do love me some BULLETIN BOARD!

Anyway, my prediction is that Chipola, with the hardest working dude in quiz bowl, Paul Kelson, will make a serious run at the top bracket in DII. To my knowledge, my Valencia team of 2003, which took second in DII after a loss to Jerry's Berkeley team, is the only CC to make the top bracket previously. And Paul's got a legit shot at top three. My Red team could threaten the top bracket if things go their way. After that, I'm afraid the CC's will drop off a bit, but those two will be interesting to watch.

My prediction is that Chipola will win DII. Take THAT, Borglum.

[The Ununtiable Twine]

I predict...not. I predict not.

I do not have any more money left to make predictions.

Central Florida - Did any of these people go to Valencia?

Alas, no. CC players (excluding George Berry and Charles Hang, if we consider the latter to have ever really been a CC player) generally don't continue playing, or at least mine don't. I have lots of theories, but this ain't the place for them, and people probably don't care that much anyway. But I do love me some BULLETIN BOARD!

Anyway, my prediction is that Chipola, with the hardest working dude in quiz bowl, Paul Kelson, will make a serious run at the top bracket in DII. To my knowledge, my Valencia team of 2003, which took second in DII after a loss to Jerry's Berkeley team, is the only CC to make the top bracket previously. And Paul's got a legit shot at top three. My Red team could threaten the top bracket if things go their way. After that, I'm afraid the CC's will drop off a bit, but those two will be interesting to watch.

My prediction is that Chipola will win DII. Take THAT, Borglum.

Let me congratulate you on being the first to see that! You are asking for more wacky predictions from me on behalf of the community, I suppose? Well, I suppose I can give you some, but do be warned that I will not be placing bets on my predictions.

Predictions on the way, let me think of them.

[merv1618]

I predict...not. I predict not.

I do not have any more money left to make predictions.

Central Florida - Did any of these people go to Valencia?

Alas, no. CC players (excluding George Berry and Charles Hang, if we consider the latter to have ever really been a CC player) generally don't continue playing, or at least mine don't. I have lots of theories, but this ain't the place for them, and people probably don't care that much anyway. But I do love me some BULLETIN BOARD!

Anyway, my prediction is that Chipola, with the hardest working dude in quiz bowl, Paul Kelson, will make a serious run at the top bracket in DII. To my knowledge, my Valencia team of 2003, which took second in DII after a loss to Jerry's Berkeley team, is the only CC to make the top bracket previously. And Paul's got a legit shot at top three. My Red team could threaten the top bracket if things go their way. After that, I'm afraid the CC's will drop off a bit, but those two will be interesting to watch.

My prediction is that Chipola will win DII. Take THAT, Borglum.

Let me congratulate you on being the first to see that! You are asking for more wacky predictions from me on behalf of the community, I suppose? Well, I suppose I can give you some, but do be warned that I will not be placing bets on my predictions.

Predictions on the way, let me think of them.

No need to rush them.

As far as my predictions go, I say Virginia over Penn with probably Illinois, Yale, and others in the top bracket for D1.
Stanford should win D2 quite handily.

[The Ununtiable Twine]

In an effort to find the fairest way to bracket ICT, NAQT got together and decided (somehow!) to make ICT a 32-team round-robin. A group of NAQT's finest question writers comes together for six weeks to write 36 packets (36 packets!) with the aid of some vociferous masked men, one of which is believed to be Dan Donohue.

I cannot tell you how the entire tournament will go since there are way too many matches and the post would be too long, however I can tell you what the day has in store for Alabama by gazing into my magickal crystal ball...

Round 1: Truman State 155, Alabama 80. Unaware that the tournament is beginning at 7:00 am, Harrison and I have a competition to see who can prove the Jugendtraum faster in front of Jonah Greenthal. We subsequently miss round 1. I win the proof contest because I am the master of all things mathematical, completing the first ever proof of it, and, given my superb results, R. delays round 2 of the tournament until I am done creating a LaTeX version of the proof. Meanwhile, Dargan is nowhere to be found, he must have passed out in the van or something, I'll have to go get him before Round 2. My dear teammate Jonathan is ready for the round, however given the lack of a soft drink distribution in this round, he does not get the lucky breaks he needs to defeat Truman State, and loses despite a valiant effort.

Round 2: Alabama 380, Penn 375. Patrick Liao notably negs the first 7 tossups of the match, allowing Alabama to get off to a 210-(-35) lead. Eric is irritated, to say the least, and Penn comes storming back, only to have the last tossup of the match be on the King-Byng affair. Being too nervous to buzz, Patrick does nothing, Thompson gets it just after power and Alabama 30s a bonus to win.

Round 3: Alabama 685, UVA A 40. One of the vociferous masked men comes in before the match and switches the ICT packet out with a Super Nintendo theme packet. Tossup 1 is on Hagane and goes by way of power to David Seal, who remarks that "Hagane is too real for you, biotch." This makes me angry, and I power a question on Super Metroid based off a clue about an odd location of a power-up. I proceed to power the next 16 questions in a similar fashion, and Matt Bollinger is shaking his head the entire time wondering what the hell is going on.

Round 4: Cornell 310, Alabama 305. Jonathan starts ranting about how this loss is "inexcusable." I think about going speak to one of the masked men regarding this comment, but alas I do not. We are 2-2 and go on to the next match.

Round 5: Buffalo 190, Alabama 180. Buffalo's literature guy shows up, and wouldn't ya know it we lose because he got all the lit questions.

Round 6: McMaster 240, Alabama 170. Wouldn't you know it, one of the masked men is Brendan McKendy, who is hired by Jay Misuk to join Alabama as an impostor wearing a Jonathan Thompson mask. Harrison becomes suspicious after "Thompson" first-clue negs three consecutive tossups, leading to Harrison eventually throwing "Thompson" out of the room. Alabama does not make up the deficit and Misuk's plan works to perfection.

Round 7: Alabama 555, Ottawa 80. As Ware, Brown, and Sundberg are angry concerning the false Thompson incident, they bar the door and do not allow any masked men to enter the room while the match is going on. While the match would have been close for some time, Sundberg is wearing a demonic stare the entire match (and might I say this is only because of the previous masked man's treachery), which causes Palmer to cower in the corner of the hotel room after tossup 7. Meanwhile, Jonathan returns from his "inexcusable" rant only he is not able to open the door. He strikes up a conversation with a gentleman who "looks remotely similar" to someone he knows.

Round 8: Alabama 1080, Chicago A 0. Jake Sundberg, the scoundrel that he is, memorized every lead-in and every bonus part of Peaceful Resolution, and this round features a smorgasbord of questions copied directly from that event, including the question on Georgia politicians, which Jake's teammate "knew anyway." After two or so tossups, Steinbaum sees what is going on, but to no avail. Although he knows the clues himself for obvious reasons, he is too infuriated to concentrate, and Chicago A becomes the first team in the history of collegiate quizbowl to have 1000 points scored against them in a single match.

Round 9: VCU 280, Alabama 265. Cody Voight is supposedly nowhere to be found - however he is seen outside the hotel window dangling a $20 bill outside the window for everyone to see, but only Jake sees this. Or perhaps this is just a masked man wearing a Cody Voight mask.

Round 10: Central Florida 400, Alabama 175. Bradley Kirksey gets revenge on Alabama as they did not go to the Region 6 SCT. Afterwards, Jake Sundberg receives a "revenge text" from Borglum stating that "this is what you get" for defeating UCF at last year's combined field party.
.
.
.
and it goes on and on. We finish in the middle of the field and Penn wins ICT, most probably.

*note: Alabama will (somehow) achieve what both Jake Sundberg and Matt Weiner expected them to achieve, finishing in both the top and bottom brackets in this event!

[ryanrosenberg]

Stanford should win D2 quite handily.

Unless DII ICT has the same field quality as their cupcake Sectional, I don't see that being the case. DII should be very competitive, with Stanford, Yale, Harvard, Chicago (especially if they put their best players on one team), Brown, and North Carolina all having a real shot at winning.

[merv1618]

Stanford should win D2 quite handily.

Unless DII ICT has the same field quality as their cupcake Sectional, I don't see that being the case. DII should be very competitive, with Stanford, Yale, Harvard, Chicago (especially if they put their best players on one team), Brown, and North Carolina all having a real shot at winning.

Good thing that this page is all about sharing predictions, then.

EDIT--though I'm rooting for Peter Wu to go on a rampage and lead you guys to a title.

[ryanrosenberg]

Stanford should win D2 quite handily.

Unless DII ICT has the same field quality as their cupcake Sectional, I don't see that being the case. DII should be very competitive, with Stanford, Yale, Harvard, Chicago (especially if they put their best players on one team), Brown, and North Carolina all having a real shot at winning.

Good thing that this page is all about sharing predictions, then.

Consider the teams I listed a top bracket prediction, then, with the order of finish being Stanford, Yale, Harvard, Chicago, North Carolina, Brown. I do think Stanford's stranglehold on science gives them an edge over the other top teams, but it's by no means cut-and-dried.

edit: this 36-team ICT talk had me thinking there were 6 teams in the top bracket. Add MIT and Williams in there as well.

[bradleykirksey]

Central Florida - Did any of these people go to Valencia?

Alas, no. CC players (excluding George Berry and Charles Hang, if we consider the latter to have ever really been a CC player) generally don't continue playing, or at least mine don't. I have lots of theories, but this ain't the place for them, and people probably don't care that much anyway. But I do love me some BULLETIN BOARD!

Actually, eligibility rule C2 says

2.A player establishes a student affiliation at an institution for a given competition year by registering in at least one course normally offered for degree credit during the competition year at that institution.

Because at the start of this competition year, Ian McKenzie was taking 12 credit hours and completed them all with good grades, we assume that that means he can play. I think that Sam found some other rule that seemed much more explicit about it, but I can't find it anywhere.

And 4 of the 5 people on our A team started out at CC quizbowl. Really. I played at Gulf Coast, I promise.

And, Isaac, we're indefeated this year. I'm pretty sure that makes us the only ones.

[Important Bird Area]

Ian is indeed eligible to play ICT (in Division I).

[Muriel Axon]

Afterwards, Jake Sundberg receives a "revenge text" from Borglum stating that "this is what you get"

This may be the most improbable part of the entire post.

[The Ununtiable Twine]

Afterwards, Jake Sundberg receives a "revenge text" from Borglum stating that "this is what you get"

This may be the most improbable part of the entire post.

Given that a similar thing happened at SCT last year, this may in fact be the most probable part of the post.

[ValenciaQBowl]

Most probable is that I tell Jake on Friday of ICT in the lobby that he still reminds me of circa-1991 Emo Philips, and taunt him again that he couldn't possibly beat me on a 20-TU set on Japanese literature, and whether that's true or not (probably not), lure him into a tequila-drinking contest, after which his dessicated corpse is found outside the Regency O'Hare next to a stained envelope containing tattered packets from Sword Bowl 2001 and numerous Camel Blue cigarette butts. It ends badly for all, as I choose to buy the $18 breakfast buffet. Weak.

[minusfive]

Predictions (Apologies to everyone):

1. Jordan Palmer, incensed at being compared to the Mountie, uses his shock-stick to attack Mike Cheyne, who subsequently believes his name to be Kevin and is diagnosed with "Cheyne-nesia." Rob Carson, fulfilling his uncanny athletic resemblance to John Cena (in a good way), then performs Cena's F-U upon Palmer, rendering Palmer unable to gather future autographs of the quizbowl pantheon.

2. Chris Borglum, in a surprise turn-of-events, turns out to have founded and attends (as the only student) Ball-so-Hard-encia College. He is admitted into the ICT DII and runs amok, with his New World Order only stopped by a surprising upset to Valencia Deep Purple.

3. The long-simmering Quasi-War between Alabama and Jay Misuk's McMaster "Union Army" erupts into violence as 'Bama fires upon Fort Sumter, Jay's nickname for his tradmark six-pack of beer. A truce is mediated by Chris Ray, who is respected by both sides (by Jay for physical resemblance, and by Alabama because he has red hair and they are the Red Tide or something). However, it is declared that "Alabama shall rise again!"

4. Just before the final round, the entire tournament is abducted by aliens who think that Cepheid variables come up too much in carbon-based-lifeform quizbowl. Andrew Hart and (I dunno,) Marnold melt alien brains with law. The aliens are then subjected to Patrick Liao's special move, "Penn Bowl experience," which causes them to commit suicide.

5. The tournament participants return in time to find out that the 33rd place D-Level team has been awarded the title-until it turns out that that team actually wrote all the questions themselves. Scandal, followed by deep-dish pizza.

[stevebahnaman]

I predict that the team which does the best job of reading the questions beforehand will win the tournament.

[Demonic Leftovers]

TTTT:

Texas A&M: Bryce Durgin comes up with a plan that he thinks will guarantee Texas A&M victory. By playing the Yu-Gi-Oh card Mirror Force, he can bounce any negs he has off of Texas A&M and turn them into negs for the other team. This plan doesn’t work, because it’s stupid.

Delaware: As a soon to be Delawarean… Delawarite… Delawarerer? I should probably figure this out. Anyways I was going to make a corporate law joke here but Michael beat me to it.

Minnesota B: As he questions his own role as a champion, Angel must track down a retired wrestler hero to help him defeat Tezcatcatl, an Aztec Demon. Yeah that pretty much sums up Minnesota B’s day.

McMaster: McMaster scores the upset of the tournament when they defeat Michigan 50-30 in round 2 after R. closes the floor for questions WITH NO WARNING after 3 questions.

Ottawa: So I’ve got a beef here. We were playing some old MO in practice the other day when a tu on the On-To-Ottawa Trek came up. I said “the relief camp protests” but was negged, however I believe that should have been accepted. So the point is that I am challenging whoever wrote that question to a duel after ICT is over. I’m assuming that it was Mike Cheyne, and my prediction is that I will be dead before NHBB, as I am a terrible duelist.

Truman State: Truman State is an anagram for Master and Tut. What does this mean? Will P.T. Anderson make a film about a mummified Jacob O’Rourke? Probably.

Michigan BB: The extra B is a typo.

WUSTL: Did WUSTL ever get their buzzers back from the University of Richmond last summer?

TTT:

Buffalo: They really could’ve used their lit player, as it’s Yaphe.

VCU: Sure we all know Cody isn’t attending ICT, but Sean won’t be either after he attempts to lecture Weiner on advanced literary techniques in yuri manga at VCU practice.

Cornell: Cornell makes a bold choice and makes Wizards play-by-play announcer Steve Buckhantz their fourth. They trail Penn by 20 going into the last question when Tejas gets an improbable first line power on the Old-Court New-Court Controversy. Unfortunately Buckhantz screams “NO! IT’S NOT POSSIBLE!” throughout the entire bonus, and they lose.

Rice: Let’s just say that Jezebel has a lot to write about after what Rice did during the opening meeting.

Columbia: No more titles for Marnold. This is getting ridiculous.

Virginia B: A team that had so much promise deteriorates over the course of the tournament as JR becomes consumed by his fantasy of a world where Rick Perry is president. JR wanders off after round 12 as he cries out “It’s so beautiful!” He is never seen again.

Berkeley: As usual Tanay does something extremely OAFISH during the trophy ceremony breaking the second place community college trophy. If I can convince everyone that Tanay is oafish then maybe they’ll stop calling me oafish, which by the way, screw you Shantanu for starting that meme.

NYU: Aaron Cohen demonstrates he has the best bull rush in all of quiz bowl, and as always Yogesh has his patented finger roll, but it isn’t enough to get past MSU in a tiebreaker for the second bracket.

T2:

MCTC: When presented with the trophy for the 2011 ICT Rob smashes it to the ground as he announces, “The only title I’ll ever need is CULT!”

MIT: MIT adds 1930’s radio hero The Shadow to the team, as he knows what lurks in the hearts of men. This doesn’t help them on Seth Teitler written questions, as Seth doesn’t actually have a heart, but instead pumps blood through the sheer hatred for Drew Gooden that consumes him.

Michigan State: Joe Nutter takes up the mantle of Mike Cheyne’s efforts to make “Is it a Z-shirt?” a meme by buzzing in with “Is it an A shirt?” and so on for every tu against MCTC.

Chicago B: Desperate to spend all of Chicago’s budget before the budget meeting, Tracy decides to hire Daniel Day-Lewis to play Charles Tian and CGI in the rest of the team as characters from the old cartoon Jabberjaw. A video of their second bracket matches grosses $180 million at the box office, finally securing the Chicago team’s financial future.

Alabama: All the conditions for the Coming of Alabama prophecy in Jake Sundberg’s copy of the Necronomicon are met: 1) Joe Flacco is the best player in football 2) the Anti-Christ resides in the White House and 3) Trunko has endorsed Pepsi Max. Alabama finishes 13th.

Ohio State: Somehow Ohio State’s 3rd prelim match is turned into a match against a scout team of Mole People from far below the Earth’s surface. The match is tied going into the last tu thanks to the Mole People’s knowledge of Hollow Earth theory, but Jarret is able to power it thanks to his knowledge of Sisqo’s role in Get Over It. Because of OSU’s victory humanity is safe once again.

Harvard: In an attempt to get invited back to World Brain Cup the Harvard team dresses as things from Fuji TV. There is Japanese Coast Guard Guy, one of the people from that show that seems to be about feeding people poisoned cookies, bald cap-wearing, high-kicking Billy Joel, and, of course, Chopper.

Maryland: I’m going to give you four names and you have to guess which one best describes the performance of each MD player at ICT. The first person to get it right receives a shiny nickel at ICT. 1) Champion, the Drinker 2) Peanut Butter, the Dressed up Dog 3) Choo-Choo, the Herky-Jerky dancer and 4) Slippy Toad. Post your guesses below!

T1:

UCF: They win their prelim bracket going indefeated after beating Yale on a TU on Cop Rock, as Matt Jackson knows nothing about tv musicals. They then go inindefeated in the playoffs, losing every match.

Chicago A: This team has some of the highest variability in the tournament, as their match to match performance depends on which Chicago team shows up: the good one or the one that is being mauled by bears.

Minnesota: Surprisingly the old Chicago team joke that Andrew Hart was in love with me proves true, and we elope during the lunch break. This proves devastating to Mike, who was always a big Andrew-Adam Perkins shipper.

Illinois: Aaron Rosenberg is sick of his nickname “Bulletproof.” He changes it to another La Roux title, and everyone is impressed when Tigerlily scores 40 points a game.

Michigan A: Michigan takes a page out of Ryan Westbrook’s book and tries win ICT by acting like hoboes. Unfortunately Kurtis loses his bindle, Libo nearly gets them killed when he can’t read the hobo signs on the way to lunch and Will misses the team’s loss to Yale waiting for his can of beans to heat up.

Yale: Yale only hears an average of 15 tossups a round thanks to Kevin Koai’s habit of doing the Dirty Bird after every tossup the team gets. Much like the 1998 Atlanta Falcons this team gets close to a title, but is felled by the Elway and Davis like duo of Mukherjee and Simons.

Virginia A: Things look great for an undefeated UVA going into an advantaged final against Penn. Unfortunately, the first tossup is on The Wild, the Innocent and the E Street Shuffle, which Matt gets off “Wild Billy’s Circus Story” lyric clues. Incensed, Tommy and I precede to neg every tossup Matt could conceivably get on the first clue, sarcastically saying “DID YOU KNOW THAT?” Not surprisingly we lose. After a heated discussion we set aside our differences for the second game of the finals. Unfortunately, Evan gets a tossup on some dumb thing from Suits or whatever and declares that he has taken the lead in the trash-off. Stunned by this revelation I call a timeout. Examining Evan’s trash-off stats it becomes clear he hasn’t been using GAAP standards in keeping score, but he refuses to change them. Out of protest I refuse to answer anything for the rest of the match, and we lose by 5 when no one else on the team can pull The Modern Corporation and Private Property on the final bonus.

Penn: They win.

[Cheynem]

Here's a hint about who wrote the On to Ottawa Trek question:

Remember that was a MO that we collaborated on with Penn.

Penn has such players as Eric Mukherjee, Saajid Moyen, James Lasker, and Patrick Liao.

The question was about the "On to Ottawa Trek." It was not a submission.

Have you figured it out, readers? Who wrote this question?

[Frater Taciturnus]

It was you, Mike Cheyne. It was you ALL ALONG.

[NOSTRADAMUSHAHA]

I RETURN. NAME ME WITH MY TITLE.

32. Central Florida. After ICT, I predict that UCF will no longer be indefeated this year, unless that word doesn't mean what Bradley Kirksey thinks it means.

31. Buffalo. A rough day turns rougher when Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo quizbowlers.

30. Texas A&M. A low point occurs when Tommy Horn mishears "shantih shantih shantih" as "Shaun T, Shaun T, Shaun T" and confidently negs a tossup on "The Waste Land" with the INSANITY 60-day total body workout. Jeff Crean's mad againe.

29. Truman State. After an anticlimactic tournament, the team decides to watch an episode of Big Bang Theory. Then they watch the same episode over because that one is their favorite and they really like it and want to see it again.

28. McMaster. In a shocking twist, it turns out that water has been poisonous to Jay Misuk all along. Swing away, Matt Bollinger. Swing away.

27. Delaware. Third-round moderator Kevin Comer only notices that the Delaware team has been replaced by a trio of Burl Ives lookalikes halfway through the second rendition of "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas."

26. Minnesota B. Peter Estall knew he'd have to carry this team. He just didn't think it would be because his teammates were nerve-gassed by Transnistrian freedom fighters. But, as he surveyed the aftermath of his desperate but victorious firefight, he vowed that no comrade would be left in the SeaTac Room that day.

25. Michigan B. Saul Henkin has unwittingly been hypnotized to reenact the entire "Modern Major General" scene from The Pirates of Penzance whenever someone says the term "h-bar," a fact everyone learns at the most inopportune time.

[NOSTRADAMUSHAHA]

24. WUSTL. As a painfully long conversation with Ken Jennings progresses, it becomes increasingly obvious that Charles Hang has no idea what the phrase "raw dogging" means.

23. Ottawa. While Matt Jackson strolls down the aisle to receive his #1 individual scorer award, the Ottawa team performs a stunning a capella rendition of "Red Solo Cup" that brings a single tear to Chad Kubicek's eye.

22. Cornell. Did you know that cough drops are laxatives if you eat too many of them? These guys will.

21. VCU. Cody Voight rigs up a Lance Armstrong soundboard and leaves twelve voicemails for a confused Daniel Hothem, all of which state, "Listen, I called you crazy. I called you a bitch. I called you these things. But I never called you fat."

20. Virginia B. Despite its limited usefulness in the ICT setting, Sarah Angelo finds repeatedly playing the Sporcle quiz "Games by Cupcake II" to be its own reward.

19. Berkeley. Unbeknownst to everyone, a tiny civilization of humans flourishes on Ankit Aggarwal's Little Debbie Zebra Cakes until they are wiped out in a tragic Ankit eating them.

18. MIT. An otherwise pleasant day is marred when Stephen Eltinge unknowingly and spontaneously breaks into what observers can only describe as a "perfect Charles Martin impersonation."

17. Alabama. Fresh off wrongly answering "slower" to the question "what's better: faster or slower?" while playing along with an AT&T commercial, Harrison Brown's confidence plummets, dragging down Alabama's hopes with it.

[Cheynem]

Hankin.

[Auks Ran Ova]

You're both wrong, it's Honkin.

[Cheynem]

I also hope this ends as abruptly as the last iteration.

[NOSTRADAMUSHAHA]

16. Columbia. Aiden Mehigan accidentally drops his notebook, in whose pages Matt Bruce is surprised to find an extensive collection of Ice Age 2 stickers, a long-form story adapting the turtle-and-the-hare story to Motocross, the better part of twelve pages covered with the phrase "Do not go gentle into that good night," and a shockingly well-executed pencil sketch of Kurtis Droge battling a Charizard.

15. Michigan State. Joe Nutter, in an attempt to profit Pride and Prejudice and Zombies-style from the Harvard scandal, inserts musical scenes into a Soyinka play and releases it on the West End as Madmen and Specialists and Ted. The plan goes predictably awry when the production is a major flop and the play isn't yet in the public domain. The subsequent copyright suit bankrupts both Joe and his main financial backer, the island of Nauru.

14. Ohio State. Jacob Durst's plans to write a sonnet entitled "On First Looking into Chapman's Homer," commemorating Aroldis Chapman's first big-league round-tripper, are thwarted when the Reds keep Chapman in the bullpen, robbing him of at bats. Yes, I am aware that Jacob Durst is no longer on this team. I just thought you'd be interested to hear what he's been up to.

13. Minneapolis CTC. The tournament is left atwitter when Rob Carson dresses not for the job he has, but for the job he wants, which is apparently something along the lines of "RuPaul Gordon Gekko."

12. Rice. The trip turns tragic when the entire Rice team is trapped by an incompetent Jigsaw figure in a poorly designed Saw-like trap. After a series of comic malfunctions and mishaps, the team becomes stuck in the final room. Though the chainsaw slowly descending from the ceiling becomes stuck and fails to slice through Henry Gorman's left femur as planned, it continues to run, and the entire team gently succumbs to carbon monoxide poisoning.

11. Chicago B. A portentous omen occurs the night before the tournament, when Daichi Ueda dreams that he makes a deal with the Old Scratch to get a post hoc bit speaking role in Wet Hot American Summer. The dream ends with Mike Cheyne appointed Daichi's attorney, repeatedly yelling "I've found a loophole," and hallucinating that he's perpetually on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

10. NYU. "Look at all those quizbowl nerds," the NYU teammates say to each other, making inside jokes about nonexistent Weird Al parodies and wearing their matching handmade Naruto-based formalwear to show how much cooler they are.

9. Harvard. In 2015, it is discovered that Stephen Liu's access to our hearts was, in fact, authorized.

[Frater Taciturnus]

13. Minneapolis CTC. The tournament is left atwitter when Rob Carson dresses not for the job he has, but for the job he wants, which is apparently something along the lines of "RuPaul Gordon Gekko."

Oh my god please let this one come true.

[Important Bird Area]

26. Minnesota B. Peter Estall knew he'd have to carry this team. He just didn't think it would be because his teammates were nerve-gassed by Transnistrian freedom fighters. But, as he surveyed the aftermath of his desperate but victorious firefight, he vowed that no comrade would be left in the SeaTac Room that day.

Seth, if you get a phone call from Charles Meigs on Saturday, my advice would be not to answer it.

[Fond du lac operon]

14. Ohio State. Jacob Durst's plans to write a sonnet entitled "On First Looking into Chapman's Homer," commemorating Aroldis Chapman's first big-league round-tripper, are thwarted when the Reds keep Chapman in the bullpen, robbing him of at bats.

C'mon, bro (or sis). You stole that bit from Pale Fire and you know it.

[evilmonkey]

30. Texas A&M. A low point occurs when Tommy Horn mishears "shantih shantih shantih" as "Shaun T, Shaun T, Shaun T" and confidently negs a tossup on "The Waste Land" with the INSANITY 60-day total body workout. Jeff Crean's mad againe.

If Tommy negs Jeff out of a question, it would be quite the feat, as he is playing DII at ICT. Amusing nonetheless.

[merv1618]

18. MIT. An otherwise pleasant day is marred when Stephen Eltinge unknowingly and spontaneously breaks into what observers can only describe as a "perfect Charles Martin impersonation."

Does this involve screaming when an opposing team powers an Ishtar tossup, or dibsing a tossup after an opposing neg and then not knowing it, infuriating Neil Gurram and costing his team the match?

[NOSTRADAMUSHAHA]

8. Minnesota. Robin Heinonen gets lost in the bowels of the Hyatt Regency and eventually becomes trapped in a walk-in refrigerator. To pass the time, he imagines serving as King Theoden's HR man during the search for a trusted adviser.
-Your majesty, I really think we should go with Carpenter or Moore. They're both extremely qual—
-Let me stop you there, Robin. Tell me more about this Grima fellow. What's his name again? Wormtongue? Now that's a name I can trust.
-But your maj—
-Nonsense, Robin! Get me Wormtongue. Wormtongue's the only man for the job!

7. Maryland. Isaac Hirsch keeps making the same "It's a comedy of manners...Chris Manners!" joke over and over, much to everyone's chagrin. Terrence Malick later recreates this moment, punctuated by the menacing laugh of Jeremy Irons, as a poignant recurring memory in a Tree of Life-esque fictionalized biopic of Chris Ray entitled Icicle.

6. Michigan A. Feeling sentimental, Bryan Berend commemorates Michigan's season by buying each of his teammates a diorama of John Singer Sargent's Gassed made entirely from Swarovski crystal.

5. Illinois. Austin Listerud temporarily contracts locked-in syndrome, and is only able to communicate by rapidly twitching his left eyebrow. His teammates are nonetheless somewhat miffed when, after devising a complicated twitch-based alphabet, Austin buzzes in and spells out a long paean to Giada De Laurentiis on the clock.

4. Penn. The team struggles to maintain focus after Patrick Liao accidentally plays a Chinese podcast about the Baidu 10 Mythical Creatures on repeat while everyone is sleeping, causing several near-negs involving the Grass Mud Horse and French-Croatian Squid. Eric inadvertently scandalizes Patrick's entire family when he breaks into a speech about the Singing Field Goose in fluent Mandarin.

3. Chicago A. In the aftermath of a heart-stopping loss to Yale, Marshall Steinbaum dares, so far from prayer, to corrode gilt air with a soft scream of despair.

2. Yale. Ashvin Srivatsa's quest to get the team renamed to the New Haven Superbas falls on deaf ears, as the rest of his teammates are too busy teaming up with Dwight Wynne to create a flow chart for solving the water problem at the end of Die Hard 3 to care.

1. Virginia A. They win, going undefeated, clearing the field, with the players all having the tournament of their lives, playing at the highest level, proving all the naysayers wrong, finally getting the slam-dunk title that they so richly deserve and taking their place alongside the greatest teams of all time. And they don't even have to wait two years to find out!

[Nine-Tenths Ideas]

I like that in this alternate reality, I get to be on Maryland's A team.

[Tees-Exe Line]

3. Chicago A. In the aftermath of a heart-stopping loss to Yale, Marshall Steinbaum dares, so far from prayer, to corrode gilt air with a soft scream of despair.

Whoever you are: thank you. Thank you.

[grapesmoker]

I'm curious about the identities of all those naysayers skeptical of the ability of noted 2012 ICT champion University of Virginia.

[Muriel Axon]

3. Chicago A. In the aftermath of a heart-stopping loss to Yale, Marshall Steinbaum dares, so far from prayer, to corrode gilt air with a soft scream of despair.

Whoever you are: thank you. Thank you.

Watch as Harrison Brown writes a parody, "Dargan at Ajmer."

[Fond du lac operon]

I'm far too lazy for that, but I would like someone to write a lit question on "copulating wasps."

[The Ununtiable Twine]

3. Chicago A. In the aftermath of a heart-stopping loss to Yale, Marshall Steinbaum dares, so far from prayer, to corrode gilt air with a soft scream of despair.

Whoever you are: thank you. Thank you.

Watch as Harrison Brown writes a parody, "Dargan at Ajmer."

Will this poem serve as an introduction to my upcoming magnum opus, "Dargan Among the Machines?" I have been meaning to write this short story since JerryBowl, however I have not gotten around to it just yet. Nah, I think I will use this crappy one instead.

"The Curmudgeon"

Your eyes may ne'er deserve to see
The curmudgeon that is he
When he begins writhing in pain at the thought of oiling the machine.
O! What a scene!

Alas, his own eyes were ne'er meant to see that
Overworked osculum which makes the sponge fat
Enough to not want to rise
So that the curmudgeon (when swimming) takes it as a prize.

Necessary was the light of Dawn
To give the curmudgeon enough wherewithal to turn the luminous machine on.
We bid thee farewell, O shining beacon of light --
With stings from poisonous copulating wasps thou art bid a good night.