On No Longer Being a Woman in Quizbowl

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Blackboard Monitor Vimes
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On No Longer Being a Woman in Quizbowl

Post by Blackboard Monitor Vimes »

Hello friends and neighbors, This post has lived in my head for the better part of two years now, and I've gone back and forth quite a bit on whether it's worth posting, but some feedback from other LGBT quizbowlers has convinced me that it is. To begin, I'll note that I've loved this game and its community sincerely and to varying degrees of too much over the years since the fall of 2006 when I sat down for my first game to get absolutely walloped by State College A at TJIAT. 

In 15 seasons of varying degrees of involvement, I've done a lot, seen a lot, and experienced a lot, for better or for worse. I exist in a strange superposition of being thrilled by the progress we've made and infuriated by how far there still is to go. I don't feel a need to dredge up a lot of past trauma for this post; you can go read older posts of mine if you (incorrectly) feel that oversharing creates validity, and I hate both that a lot of the same things still go on and that younger women feel it necessary to bare their souls in public to be taken seriously. If you only take one thing away from this post, let it be to listen to people when they tell you things are broken without expecting them to explain why in excruciating detail, especially when that detail doesn't help lead anyone to solutions or change. No one should have to feel like they either have to forfeit any kind of privacy to try to build an environment they can continue to exist in or leave in a stressed silence.

While I understand now that many of my perceptions and experiences were shaped by being non-binary/trans (it's complicated; I definitely don't identify as a woman but calling myself a man doesn't feel quite right either, even though I very much feel a connection to being one of the guys, an uncle friend, and other such male-coded descriptors), I stand by everything I wrote as a younger, more energetic person about being a woman in quizbowl, especially my notorious-to-some "stop othering me" post. It may well be that I didn't want it made explicit that I wasn't one of the guys because I, in fact, was, but I think drawing attention to the fact that someone else is the only one of a certain category in a space forces an ingroup/outgroup dichotomy on them and makes the space uncomfortable at best and downright hostile at worst.

I've written before about that experience being uncomfortable and tokenizing, but I think an under-discussed aspect of a sometimes well-intentioned, if clumsy, focus on the achievements of women in quizbowl, especially women in the early parts of their careers, is the added discomfort and stress that can come from hearing that you're a shining example of a group you don't actually identify with. I don't think anyone wants to hear that they're a great player or tournament director or writer for a girl, but imagine for a moment the added mental load of being told that when you don't identify as a girl. 

I figured out my identity a little later in life than a lot of folks (my mid-20s), probably as a result of transness simply being less visible to my generation growing up. Plenty of male friends in and outside of quizbowl told me they didn't see me as a girl, but it took me a long time to realize simply not being one was an option. Having tied myself so tightly to my identity as a woman in quizbowl, an identity I'd made some dumb choices in the name of (as well as some good ones) gave me a lot to wrestle with as I discovered my identity. I wondered some about my legacy and the weirdness of changing my name in stats to a first name I hadn't claimed at the time and a last name I hadn't even heard til the very latest part of my career. Sarah Angelo accomplished a lot and cared too much about setting an example, which led to some of my biggest regrets, as well as fears that I'd been more of a bellwether than a role model to some who found themselves in danger from this community. Sam Luongo, on the other hand, is mostly just a permanently-tired guy who wants to help out where my limited energy allows and tries to see the best in everyone. I've changed so much in 15 years that the idea of Sam Luongo being in those 2006 TJIAT stats is profoundly bizarre to think about, even though I really appreciated NAQT being so proactive and respectful of my name change (I played that tournament under a pseudonym, as was the style at the time, so it's probably not even on my NAQT record, but the oddness remains). 

I'm more oafish and less eloquent than I was when I was younger and fierier, but I guess what I'm trying to say, here at the latter part of my career when I've stepped away from a lot and try not to take up too much space that belongs to younger folks, is that I've always imagined quizbowl as being capable of being a truly inclusive community, and I hope as we continue to progress toward that together that we can celebrate young or new TDs and editors and players without pushing them into any narrowly-defined boxes based on identities that may very well be fluid, changing, or flat-out wrong. Being a woman or girl in quizbowl shouldn't be stressful, and neither should telling quizbowl that you aren't actually a woman or girl (or that you actually are, but I'm extremely unqualified to speak on the experiences of trans women in the community).

Happy Pride, quizbowl. Please take good care of yourselves and each other.  
Sam L,
Maggie L. Walker Governor's School 2010 / UVA 2014 / VCU School of Education 2016
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meebles127
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Re: On No Longer Being a Woman in Quizbowl

Post by meebles127 »

Thank you for this post.
Em Gunter
Club President, University of Virginia
Tournament Director, 2023 Chicago Open
Assistant Tournament Director, 2022 and 2023 ACF Nationals

Author of: My Guide to High School Outreach and So You Want to Buy a Buzzer System

"That's got to be one of the most useful skills anyone has ever gotten from quizbowl." -John Lawrence
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