Top 10 Retirements Ranking

[everdiso]

1. Jordan Palmer
This is what all quizbowl retirements are supposed to look like. He played for years and years, was really good, was a slightly notorious poaster, went out with a bang, and hasn't been heard from since*. The prototypical retirement.

2. Lia Rathburn
Retired at the height of her powers, like Barry Sanders. Alpha move. Her position on the dining table is currently unknown. Be afraid.

3. Tom Brady
Understated but really cool. A selfie video on a Floridian beach midweek? Casual, authentic, retired-person vibes, straight to the point. And he's got the extra drama brewing over whether he'll sign a one-day Patriots contract.

4. Milan Fernandez
His retirement announcement was so good that he didn't even need to back it up by actually retiring.

5. Derek So
He used to play quizbowl and then he stopped. A very usual retirement for an unusually good player.

6. Marcell Maitinsky
Would've been a bit higher until he recently teased returning. We'll be keeping an eye on him.

7. Kaveen Makumbura
He was right, we have come to miss those "Proto anyone?" messages.

8. Rein Otsason
He hasn't retired, he's just become too good for quizbowl.

9. Isaac Renert
He has left all of those Discords like he said he would. He still writes for Pavement, though. The fact that it's good isn't relevant.

10. Gareth Thorlakson
He's not technically retired, but as the Top 100 Player Ranking shows, his playing ability is such that he might as well be.

11. Tom Brady
It didn't last two months, he screwed over his team in the meantime, it failed to keep his marriage together - and he wasn't even very good when he came back. Pathetic.

12. Colin Veevers
If this were a "most retirements" ranking, he'd be in first for sure, but his retirements are as bad as they get. The Enron of retirements. I don't even know if he's retired right now, because it makes no difference: he'll probably play C.M.S.T. online next weekend, whether it actually happens or not.

*Technically, he did randomly show up again to play a few games at Waterloo's three-tournaments-in-two-days extravaganza in December 2015, where he challenged my answer of "Eugene V. Debs" because he said his name was actually "Eugene W. Debs" and "Eugene V. Debs" was a Supreme Court case, but I'll overlook that.

[Cheynem]

I guess both Jordan Palmer and Collin Parks studied the same history!

[Fado Alexandrino]

I retire