Spider-Man 3

Old college threads.
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AKKOLADE
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Post by AKKOLADE » Fri May 11, 2007 6:00 pm

dsfcaptains2005 wrote:
charlieDfromNKC wrote:Greatest thread ever.
This is starting to border on AHAN Jr. territory, and may be the best trainwreck ever too.
And that is why it's moved.

Also, Deadpool = AHAN Jr.

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Post by Sima Guang Hater » Fri May 11, 2007 8:52 pm

leftsaidfred wrote:Also, Deadpool = AHAN Jr.
No dude. Deadpool = Deathstroke ripoff.

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Post by BuzzerZen » Fri May 11, 2007 11:53 pm

Batman rescuing a chick:
Image

Spiderman rescuing a chick:
Image

QE fuckin D
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Post by Sima Guang Hater » Sat May 12, 2007 12:00 am

BuzzerZen wrote:Batman rescuing a chick:
Image

QE fuckin D
That's Batman rescuing fuckin' Katie Holmes; that's not merit.

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Post by Frater Taciturnus » Sat May 12, 2007 11:32 am

http://youtube.com/watch?v=azGhHh9mV_Q


There, problem solved.[/url]
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Post by bigtrain » Sun May 13, 2007 4:46 pm

I saw the second showing the night/morning it came out and thought it may have been the most disappointing moment of my life. People in the theater were laughing at the ridiculousness of the plot and obnoxious campyness. My personal favorite moment was when Spiderman regains his strength and is about to beat Venom and jumps in front of an American flag.

I would consider the movie FAR worse than Batman Begins except for the fact that I really, really, really hate Christian Bale for illogical reasons.
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Post by Leo Wolpert » Sun May 13, 2007 5:17 pm

Spider-man 3 was a pretty good critique of egoism in society.





































































































































No, wait, it was a movie about a dude who dresses like a spider and beats people up. My mistake.

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Post by Leo Wolpert » Sun May 13, 2007 5:21 pm

Oh, also, this movie was lame. Hella lame. Luckily, a certain magic substance from British Columbia turned the moments where I ordinarily would have groaned (Spidey leaping in front of the flag, Tobey Maguire's attempt at showing emotion using 'facial expressions', the part where Aunt Whats-her-name goes into a long-ass speech lifted directly from a DeBeers commercial about Uncle Ben's ring, and myriad others) into moments where I succumbed to 10-minute fits of uncontrollable laughter.

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Post by Frater Taciturnus » Sun May 13, 2007 6:39 pm

Leo Wolpert wrote:Oh, also, this movie was lame. Hella lame. Luckily, a certain magic substance from British Columbia turned the moments where I ordinarily would have groaned (Spidey leaping in front of the flag, Tobey Maguire's attempt at showing emotion using 'facial expressions', the part where Aunt Whats-her-name goes into a long-ass speech lifted directly from a DeBeers commercial about Uncle Ben's ring, and myriad others) into moments where I succumbed to 10-minute fits of uncontrollable laughter.
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Post by The Time Keeper » Sun May 13, 2007 6:41 pm

Leo Wolpert wrote:Hella
Jesus Christ, dude.

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Post by Leo Wolpert » Sun May 13, 2007 7:53 pm

Dolemite wrote:
Leo Wolpert wrote:Hella
Jesus Christ, dude.
Jesus Christ indeed.

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Post by AKKOLADE » Sun May 13, 2007 8:11 pm

Why are people surprised Spider-Man 3 sucked? I watched the first one and plan to take two hours of my life back from Tobey Maguire somehow. He has always looked like a drunken Thalidomide baby when he tries to look concerned, Kristen Dunst couldn't act her way into a role in "AHAN Jr. : the Musical" and the aunt and uncle... oh God the aunt and uncle. The only way their entire existence could have been justified is if the film featured five minutes of Macho Man Randy Savage delivering flying elbow drops to their sternums and/or rapping about dropping said elbows.
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Post by Mr. Kwalter » Sun May 13, 2007 8:23 pm

leftsaidfred wrote:"AHAN Jr. : the Musical"
Where can I sign up?

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Post by First Chairman » Sun May 13, 2007 10:00 pm

I just want to figure out how much money the movie critics in the testimonials about the greatness of Spiderman 3 got paid off.
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Post by AKKOLADE » Sun May 13, 2007 10:27 pm

After thinking about it for a little bit, I decided the minimum amount of money I'd require to review it is $25.

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Post by BuzzerZen » Sun May 13, 2007 10:28 pm

Actually, I understand that many of those testimonials are not quotes from reviews, but in fact derived from surveys filled out by critics who are flown to LA on press junkets and given free food and showings by the studios. That's why quotes like "THRILLING!" always seem to come from some random NBC affiliate in Connecticut or something.
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Post by AKKOLADE » Sun May 13, 2007 10:42 pm

The Cream of the Crop rating at rottentomatoes is 45%. The overall is 61%. Sounds like hacks getting sucked in (possibly by free food) to me.

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Post by The Doctor » Mon May 14, 2007 2:26 am

OK. Let's get one thing straight here: Batman is not. Straight, that is. You are basing his leetness on the fact that he is rich enough to pay people to think he's straight. While there is nothing wrong with being gay, there is something wrong with lying. Do you want to depend on a superhero who lies about who he is? Who's not even strong enough to come out of the closet? Sorry, Lee. Nothing against you, but you can't dispute scientific fact.

Another thing you all seem to have forgotten: BATMAN HAS NO POWERS. His "superstrengths" are based entirely on Daddy's fortune and the guys in the lab.

The long and short of it is this: Batman=bodybuilding pansy-ass moron trying not to cry about his parents' death. Spiderman=genuinely intelligent college student with real powers and a girlfriend.

Spiderman would kill Batman in a SchoBowl match.
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Post by quizbowllee » Mon May 14, 2007 8:48 am

The Doctor wrote:OK. Let's get one thing straight here: Batman is not. Straight, that is. You are basing his leetness on the fact that he is rich enough to pay people to think he's straight. While there is nothing wrong with being gay, there is something wrong with lying. Do you want to depend on a superhero who lies about who he is? Who's not even strong enough to come out of the closet? Sorry, Lee. Nothing against you, but you can't dispute scientific fact.

Another thing you all seem to have forgotten: BATMAN HAS NO POWERS. His "superstrengths" are based entirely on Daddy's fortune and the guys in the lab.

The long and short of it is this: Batman=bodybuilding pansy-ass moron trying not to cry about his parents' death. Spiderman=genuinely intelligent college student with real powers and a girlfriend.

Spiderman would kill Batman in a SchoBowl match.
You're on my list now. That's all I have to say.

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Post by Sen. Estes Kefauver (D-TN) » Mon May 14, 2007 9:50 am

The Doctor shall cease to exist when the goddamn Batman swoops on him in the middle of the night and... well, no one heard the screams...
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Post by Tegan » Mon May 14, 2007 9:54 am

The Doctor wrote: Spiderman would kill Batman in a SchoBowl match.
Extrapolating what Lee said, Wayne would just pay off TJ's A team to play for him, and that would count as a win for Batman ..... that and the fact that Spiderman would have to play solo because he has no real friends to speak of that could help him in this match (maybe MJ could do TRASH, I dunno).

Of course, they could always go play on a bunch of CB questions ..... and I am sure that a number of questions on "passtimes of the rich", "famous bats", and "Gotham's msot wanted" would all come up as categories ......

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Post by quizbowllee » Mon May 14, 2007 9:58 am

Tegan wrote:
The Doctor wrote: Spiderman would kill Batman in a SchoBowl match.
Extrapolating what Lee said, Wayne would just pay off TJ's A team to play for him, and that would count as a win for Batman ..... that and the fact that Spiderman would have to play solo because he has no real friends to speak of that could help him in this match (maybe MJ could do TRASH, I dunno).

Of course, they could always go play on a bunch of CB questions ..... and I am sure that a number of questions on "passtimes of the rich", "famous bats", and "Gotham's msot wanted" would all come up as categories ......
Don't even make me get started on you again, Tom. I already made you cry once!

Batman would own on quiz bowl. He wouldn't need any help. He would own us all. He wouldn't have to "cheat" like he did against Superman to school any superhero in quiz bowl. Also, he would school TJ A 2005.

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Post by BuzzerZen » Mon May 14, 2007 11:09 am

quizbowllee wrote:Batman would own on quiz bowl. He wouldn't need any help. He would own us all. He wouldn't have to "cheat" like he did against Superman to school any superhero in quiz bowl. Also, he would school TJ A 2005.
Actually, Dan Wright is Batman.
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Post by Frater Taciturnus » Mon May 14, 2007 11:22 am

BuzzerZen wrote:
quizbowllee wrote:Batman would own on quiz bowl. He wouldn't need any help. He would own us all. He wouldn't have to "cheat" like he did against Superman to school any superhero in quiz bowl. Also, he would school TJ A 2005.
Actually, Dan Wright is Batman.
well, that explains everything!
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Post by AndyShootsAndyScores » Mon May 14, 2007 1:05 pm

Score just came in from Batman v. Spiderman NAQT match.

Batman 1173, Spiderman -5

Every question Batman powered was followed by a flashback in which Spiderman's uncle Ben slapped him repeatedly, repeating simultaneously that "with a great power comes a fist to your face." Bruce achieved 3 extra points by disproving the Heisenburg Uncertainty Principle in less than 4 seconds, doing so by stating that a group of particles (his foot) was traveling at the speed of light in a path that would end inside Spiderman's throat. Spiderman was able to achieve his only points (albeit, negative points) by incorrectly answering a Michael Jordan question.

End of discussion.
Last edited by AndyShootsAndyScores on Mon May 14, 2007 1:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Sen. Estes Kefauver (D-TN) » Mon May 14, 2007 1:08 pm

I thought Spiderman lost the points because it was proven that he's Jason Mueller.
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Post by theMoMA » Mon May 14, 2007 5:00 pm

Batman Begins was a pretty good movie. Every Spiderman was 45 minutes of ok-but-clearly-greenscreened webbing around and 1.5+ hours of entertainingly poor dialogue and story.

No matter who the homosexual is, Batman still wins this round.

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Post by DH TTHS » Mon May 14, 2007 5:28 pm

Batman is gay? I just saw Spiderman one a few nights ago on TV. At the end when MJ is practically throwing herself at little Toby, he turns her down becase it might get to dangerous for her.

What a pussy! Batman would have just nailed her, and if anyone came for her, he would have just kicked their ass.
So either Spiderman is a pussy, or he is in fact gay.
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Post by cvdwightw » Tue May 15, 2007 3:16 am

Kit Cloudkicker wrote:
leftsaidfred wrote:"AHAN Jr. : the Musical"
Where can I sign up?
Song for AHAN Jr. : the Musical (Please don't kill me, but it's not like this thread could get any worse)

The End of An Act (aka Moon Pie Sucked)
Music and Most Lyrics by Trey Parker and anyone else that helped him
Adapted for AHAN Jr. : the Musical by me

I miss you more than UTC missed the mark
When they put on Moon Pie
I miss you more than those questions missed the point
And that's an awful lot girl
And now, now you've gone away
And all I'm trying to say
Is Moon Pie sucked, and I miss you

I need you like those tossups need real lead-ins
They were terrible in all ways
I need you like ACF Nats needed more teams to come
It's way better than Moon Pie
And now all I can think about is your smile
And those shitty packets too
Moon Pie sucked, and I miss you

Why does Charlie Steinhice get to keep on running tournies?
I guess Moon Pie sucked
Just a little more than I miss you.

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Post by Sen. Estes Kefauver (D-TN) » Tue May 15, 2007 8:15 am

That's like a Mueller song.

I think he did something called "Buzzerlicious" once.
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Post by quizbowllee » Tue May 15, 2007 8:31 am

charlieDfromNKC wrote:That's like a Mueller song.

I think he did something called "Buzzerlicious" once.
Was Mueller the one who wrote the rap song for ACF Nationals a few years back (2004 or so)? That was the most God-awful thing ever - and I don't just mean on this board.

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Post by quizbowllee » Tue May 15, 2007 8:33 am

Oh, yeah - DH TTHS is on my good list. Excellent post on Spiderman's gayness and Batman's willingness to nail hot chicks in danger.

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Post by Tegan » Tue May 15, 2007 9:00 am

Nothing but homophobes and support for misogynist trillionaires supporting the military-industrial complex .... what's next, a post about that whole Brokeback Mountain controversey in Chicago??

Can someone tell me what kind of a world it is we live in, when a MAN ... dressed up as a BAT steals all of Spiderman's press?

This thread needs an enema!

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Post by quizbowllee » Tue May 15, 2007 9:37 am

Tegan wrote:Nothing but homophobes and support for misogynist trillionaires supporting the military-industrial complex .... what's next, a post about that whole Brokeback Mountain controversey in Chicago??

Can someone tell me what kind of a world it is we live in, when a MAN ... dressed up as a BAT steals all of Spiderman's press?

This thread needs an enema!
Assume for a moment that Batman is gay (which he is NOT). You know that he would ALWAYS be the butch. Can we at least agree on that, Tegan?

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Post by mlaird » Wed May 16, 2007 1:41 am

Batman once proved the Riemann hypothesis, then turned down the money and ate the paper with the proof on it. Then he Bataranged ("KAPOW!") all those pansy science and math people (e.g. Peter Parker).

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Post by STPickrell » Wed May 16, 2007 7:25 am

mlaird wrote:Batman once proved the Riemann hypothesis, then turned down the money and ate the paper with the proof on it. Then he Bataranged ("KAPOW!") all those pansy science and math people (e.g. Peter Parker).
I have a wonderful proof ... IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH!

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Post by trphilli » Wed May 16, 2007 12:00 pm

You can all call it quits now, because ...
Thing wrote:It's clobberin' time
And this based totally on old-school cartoons. Haven't seen nor wish to see current hollywood versions. :grin:

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Post by Sen. Estes Kefauver (D-TN) » Wed May 16, 2007 12:05 pm

StPickrell wrote:I have a wonderful proof ... IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH!
I have a wonderful proof ... IN MY PANTS!
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